28 February 2006

if you start without me, say my name as you begin

well, ck one and i are off to the colbert report.

and then i will rage in frustration as the mta takes too long to pull me to brooklyn and i'll be late for my first bocce game of the season/new year.

be glad you didn't make it to ihop in time

anyone besides stella know about this german cannibal?

sploid does.

"They both tried to eat it. But did not succeed, either raw or fried," said chief prosecutor Markus Köhler.
(the "it" to which they are referring is the cannibalee's wee-wee)

and yes, it does get worse.


this smart ass chose an email address that has black hole-like effects on wayward emails and text messages. i wonder if he gets, like, EVERYONE's dodgeballs.

if you're on the west coast, there's still time

to get to ihop for free pancakes ('til 2pm). it's pancake day. stella has been telling me this for weeks. it's some british thing where you eat pancakes (which, of course are closer to crepes than american style flapjacks). anyway, office pirates remind us of all the other wonderful things going on on this, the 28th and final day of february 2006.

it's about fucking time

you know those chains you can put on your tires? now they make 'em for shoes.

you never knew it, but you've been waiting for this all your life

you can search podcasts. in a big way. these guys have like transcripted all the podcasts (i think) and you can type in whatever you're looking for and get a list of podcasts. this is one of those things that's almost so useful it causes a major setback. like i'll start searching for all kinds of shit i want to know about and then realize i don't have time to listen to 37 days' worth of podcasts. but i'm sure it will prove helpful at some point.


on a
related note. see karl's t shirts.

too busy thinkin' 'bout my baby

Girl #1: ...but I mean, it would have been so cute if we had gotten pregnant at the same time...
Girl #2: Yeah, i'm kinda bummed...
Girl #1: We would totally get our abortions together!
Girl #2: Oh my god, we would!
--Columbia University

this oiny reminded me of the business plan xx, jensenator and i came up with last night. i said i was going to open an abortion clinic on 7th ave, "walk-ins welcome". xx said she'd open a "donate your baby to science" store, like the old salvation army, i guess. and we decided that jensenator could open the "happy vasectomy" clinic across the street. i think this would greatly improve park slope in general.

we're all strangers, whooooaaaaaaah

shame on me, i neglected to urge you all to go to the joemca & poets show last night at mercury lounge. it's too bad if you missed it. it's so nice to see them back at merc., they've been stuck in kind of crappy little places the last few shows.

although i voiced my disapproval, they removed "dawn dream" from the set list, but they added a couple of new songs and "strangers" was totally awesome, dude.

before the show xx and jensenator and i had dinner at mo pitkin's house of satisfaction, which might be the best named restaurant i've ever been to. i had the brisket and it could've used a lot more trimming of the fat. it was tasty, but on more than one occasion i ended up with an entire mouthful of, well, ick. xx had the borscht salad, which i imagine is good if you're into that sort of thing, but beets are not for me. jensenator went rotisserie chicken style and that was yummy. plus, it came with mashed potatoes. the rolls were fantastic, and jensenator kindly allowed us to try his "loisida" (not so sure i spelled that right), which is cream soda and whiskey, and also divine.

we bounced into 12" who are now, because of their new management, open on mondays. the barmaid was thrilled to see us, cause apparently many of the clientele are still operating under the idea that there's no there there on mondays. she was not, however, thrilled to be there, as it was so slow. she was very nice, and clearly ready to lock up the bar as we headed over to the show.

i didn't hear much of the band before, and i don't remember their name, but two of our companions seemed to enjoy them OK, and one of them was really hot.

UPDATE: it seems like a number of bloggers went to see the band that opened for joemca, kunek. here are their takes (the link to jerry's review is fucked). i now remember jonny 5 saying something about "nicer melodies than coldplay" or some such.

More words blogger doesn't know:
in addition to being anti-mexican, they are clearly anti-semitic as well.

not so sure if 24 hours qualifies as a "calm spell"

The curfew was lifted on Monday, and the city streets returned to a gridlocked but apprehensive normalcy, with mosques remaining under heavy guard. That wary calm was shattered by a string of bombings, about 10 minutes apart, beginning around noon today.

27 February 2006

it's an ipod kind of a day

i've yet to watch that thing about the ipod video i keep seeing, but i did watch this:

what would microsoft do to the ipod box?

ipods, ipods everywhere

list of the top 10 ipod accessories. i like the toilet roll dispenser...


sublime incompetance or automated reply?

it's really quite difficult to say.

consumerist has this great transcript of a customer trying to talk to overstock.com about her order. a bottle of perfume that was guaranteed to be delivered for valentine's day, but wasn't.

i am in sync with the NYT

not so sure how i feel about that. but everyone, set your dvr's for tomorrow's "colbert report" as i will be a member of the live studio audience. you may be able to hear me clapping if you listen hard enough.

of course i will then have to book it to 'lyn to make the WYB! game. and seeing how i missed the season opening double-header, i really need to be there or they might kick me off the team.

but sara, what else did you do this weekend?

ok, ok, i'll tell you. i made a curry, baked some cinnamon rolls, watched a bunch of west wings, had a couple at camp and oh, yeah, BOOKED A MOTHERFUCKING TICKET TO INDIA!

oh, hells yeah. the maj and i are gonna fuck some shit up indian style for the month of july. so have fun sweating it up in new york. i'll be sweating it up in the valley of flowers. and possibly contracting malaria.

i saw stars

with ck one at webster hall on saturday. (is this why they nixed the "the"? and again, naming yourself something like "stars" makes a google search more difficult. you're only hurting yourselves.)

i have to admit, when torquil campbell came out and said something about a "fuck off rock show" i was more than a little skeptical. had these guys even listened to their own album? i'm not even sure i would have categorized it as rock. but they certainly proved me the hell wrong.

stars are one of the most energetic and mezmerizing live bands i've seen, and it's made all the better by the fact that so many of their songs are full of swooning bubbles of emopop. as much as your heart blushed the first time you listened to some of the songs, hearing them do it live and unabashedly singing along made me bounce uncontrollably for quite a while.

they did a nice mix of tunes, some off "set yourself on fire" (reunion, your ex-lover is dead, ageless beauty, one more night) and some off their earlier albums (which i'm not terribly familiar with). i was also very impressed with the crowd, who really got into the vibe.

so there you have it, stars are way better live than you think they might be.

NB: magnet opened. one dude looping himself and playing heavily radiohead-influenced electrock. not so much. i felt sad for him, because he was having a real hard time getting the audience to perk up. kept saying "i'm up here all by myself". but i think if you're gonna perform that kind of stuff all by yourself, you should stick to: come out on stage, sit your ass down, play your shit, stand up, bow, leave. you can't have it both ways.

speaking of bands i love live, here is the video for the russian futurist's single "paul simon". it's a fun time.

24 February 2006

Honey? some crazy shit's going down at the neighbors'

things are exploding in a galaxy right next to ours. i don't really know what it has to do with us, but it's pretty interesting.

The event, detected Feb. 18, looks something like a gamma-ray burst (GRB), scientists said. But it is much closer—about 440 million light-years away—than others. And it lasted about 33 minutes. Most GRBs are billions of light-years away and last less than a second or just a few seconds.


'k, so don't blow up or anything this weekend.

ck one and i hit stars on saturday night, celebrating my triumphant return to the world of going out. antibiotics my ass, there will be beer.

ali g wins silver medal

i had to.

D is for disaster

the d train is all over the place. running uptown to b'way/laf'tte and then from W4th to 59th but on the A line. meaning you cannot get to herald square, the nypl or rock center on the D, you can still get there on the F, but why the hell are you going there?

the F is messed up way out in the lettered avenues and i'm not going there, so neither should you. late sunday the F will skip 4 ave, 15st and fort hamilton pkwy (bklyn bound).

oh, snap:
Leaning on train doors is dangerous -- so best not to do so.

best to provide efficient service and stop increasing the fares, motherfuckers.

enjoy your weekend rides!

Willner envisions his invention being used one day to precisely calculate and distribute doses of medicine from inside a patient's body

hey, wow, some crazy israelis figured out how to make computers out of sugar and horseradish, and eventually these will dose us from within.

uh, ok. i'm going back to making einstein write dirty words.

the world can end now

yes, folks, the time has finally come. humanity has advanced far enough to allow you to enter your own text into this picture of einstein. as you can see, i went with my standard line, only i gave it more credibility by making it look like Albert Einstein was saying it. yes, i did.


chipotle is stupid

ck one and i just ordered lunch from chipotle. first off, why the fuck don't these guys deliver? mcdonald's delivers, and they own chipotle, so deliver, damn you!

anyway, the website makes you sign up for an account and then you click on all the shit you want and it tells you where to pick it up. i like the idea of ordering blindly and just hoping there is a chipotle within walking distance...

here is part of the confirmation email:

It can take 10-15 minutes for us to receive your order once it's been sent. So, please call your selected Chipotle in about 10 minutes to confirm that we received it. Otherwise, your order will not be made.

so first, you want me to spend 10 mintues registering and doing all your cutsey clicking for my shit, and then you want me to call you to confirm my order--ten minutes later? wtf? this, my beloved readers, is not quick and easy. it is complicated and stupid.

the ahh-choo project

well, i've now sneezed every day this week. although had i gone to bed a little earlier last night, i might have broken the streak. everyone keeping track?

it says 'i choo-choo-choose you' and there's a picture of a train!

23 February 2006

He's addicted to children's urine

but really, aren't we all?

good luck not vomitting.


de la soul and some singing hamburgers.

we are all very proud that i finally got this stupid youtube imbedded thing to work.

ok, pitchfork, whatever you say

i was just reading this article about band images, it focuses on how the arctic monkeys and cyhsy blew up out of no where and how they have so much indie cred. but then i came across this absurd sentence:

Any number of indie rock groups fit the anti-image image, consciously or not. The ubiquitous Shins sprang quietly from Albuquerque, N.M., to change your life. My Morning Jacket are shaggy, Spoon are brainy, and the Constantines are Canadian, but all come off as groups of fairly regular dudes, not rock stars.

CANADIAN?!? no disrespect to the constantines, but what the bloody fuck does being canadian have to do with anything? that's just rude. does every band from canada get to be "indie"? i really don't understand what the hell that means.

and leave my morning jacket alone! i love them! CANADIAN. jesus christ.

things you can learn from the park slope courier and Brooklyn Papers

Princess Cruises and Holland America Line are offering speedier service to denali national park in alaska. if you are the kind of person who thinks a cruise is a good idea for a holiday, stay the hell out of alaska.

apparently there is a
boycott of brooklyn brewery going on based on the fact that the owner, Steve Hindy, is publicly supporting all-around shithead bruce ratner.

the gowanus canal's broken (read: clogged up with mafia hits) water pump should be fixed in 2008 instead of 2010. hurry up and buy now. awesome quote: and when there is flooding, there will be less fecal matter in the water -- Dan Wiley, community liaison for Representative Nydia Velazquez (d-the slope). the 19th c. pipes will be upgraded to push fecal overflow to a sewage treatment plant and will allow more power to pump "less-filthy" water from the Buttermilk Channel.

cousins II is closed.

this is an ap story--those of you familiar with
kinara may remember that it took over the space that was once "Carnival Ice Cream". I was saddened when this place shut down, because it seemed like a cute little local ice cream shop. i don't think i ever actually went in there, but they used to have cakes and little decorations in the front window that made it look like a pretty happy place. turns out it was a happy little front for TERRORISM. that's right, the Yemeni owner was sentenced to 15.5 years for "illegally funnelling nearly $22 million to terrorists overseas". the owner, Abad Elfgeeh, said he didn't realize that the fellow immigrants who were transferring money through him were sending cash to terrorists. of course, the government says the money helped fund al-qaeda and hamas.

22 February 2006

this is pretty freaking ironic

a court ruled that google was infringing on the copyright of a porn sight. cause you can see the thumbnails on the google search even though you're supposed to pay to see the nekkid ladies (or whatever's on the site). i guess masturbation will make you go blind. or at least cause a significant case of eyestrain.

and really, go US effin' A!

it's been a while

but i knew they'd be back. today's bomb.

did you realize?

that the postal service remixed "do you realize"? cause they did. and it's rad!

i am full of pills

on our drunken way home saturday night, the maj told me that one of her teachers had this theory that we sneeze once a day. i said this was rubbish and that we should start keeping track. of course, what with my upper respiratory infection, i have been sneezing more frequently lately, so i've definitely hit at least once a day. but i will continue my research until i'm off the antibiotics and see what happens, too. i invite you all to join me in this very scientific experiment, because it would be pretty interesting if we actually do sneeze once a day.

how come i started taking all this medicine and i only feel worse? the first person to explain this properly to me gets, i don't know, something to be mutually agreed upon.

21 February 2006

i went for the opener

elefant played webster hall saturday with black rebel motorcycle club. the maj and i were there. at least for elefant.

i don't have the new album, but they played quite a few off "sunlight makes me paranoid", which made me happy. the lead singer, though. wow.

this guy is somewhere between andrew w. k. and julian the strokes dude. and he's an idiot. elefant are not what i'd call 'hard', but this guy clearly didn't know that. he was jumping all over the place and did this hilarious thing where he'd crouch down and reach out to the audience like he was jon bon jovi in a video or something.

things got more interesting when he took off a fan's hat, put it on and then threw it up to the balcony. he missed though, it bounced off the side and fell back into the crowd. if that had been my hat, i'da been pissed. then he took of his HUGE BOOTS and threw them into the crowd. yes! i love a band that throws potentially injurous objects into the crowd. he then disposed of both of his socks and something else, which flew right at me and the maj, but we, along with everyone else around us, just jerked out of the way. the guy next to me picked it up, but i couldn't tell what it was.

they played a pretty short set, being the opener and all, so we were out of there by about 8pm. we had a quick two pitchers at grassroots before deciding it was just too cold to do anything else. plus, the moms was at my apartment apparently watching law & order after law & order, so i figured i should go hang out with her.

i never did like jack kerouac

friday the moms, the maj and i went to see no great society at ps 122. it's about someone called "jack" who's a "beat poet". the first half was fantastic and the guy who plays the moderator of the interviews was so spot on with his timing. he was really funny. actually, the whole cast were very good. it sort of took a very weird turn midway through, and it was then they lost me. i thought on the road was totally overrated, so i should have realized a play about JK wouldn't really hold my attention. but seriously, the first half is great.

sometimes getting better is worse than being sick

i am the proud owner of an upper respritory infection. of course, normally i would allow this thing to run its course as, perhaps a "crappy sore throat" or a "cold". but doing such a thing is nearly impossible when your mother is in town. she insisted i see the doctor as i am extremely prone to strep and tonsular abcesses (yes, they are as not cool as they sound).

i made an appointment for 1230 yesterday and after all was said and done, i got home around 430. three hours in a doctor's office is just no fun. i love when the nurse comes in and says "he's just speaking with another doctor, it'll be about 10 minutes" and he shows up 45 minutes later. the good news is that i managed to make significant progress on a clockwork orange, which i have to finish soon because it's coming up on the netflix queue.

then i went to the pharmacy. here's what happens at the pharmacy:
1. you give them your papers and they say "about 1/2 hour" -- i'm sure they have plenty to do, but does it really take half an hour to dump 40 pills into two bottles? doubtful.
2. you come back in 25 minutes after you've killed all the time you can, miserable, wanting badly to get home and fall asleep on the couch, or as it turned out, bake an apple cake (so good) and stand there.
3. you walk over to the condoms and read all the different varieties. you notice that disturbing ky warming stuff.
4. they call your name and tell you you have no refills on a drug you were not prescribed. you panic. they realize you do not have a prescription for whatever they were talking about. you frantically check the bottles they give you.
5. they tell you you have to return the bottles they've just given you and take this receipt thing to the front and pay there because their register is down.
6. you wait in an infinitely long line to pay $50 for two medications.
7. you turn in your reciept for the pills and are finally released.

then, when your roommate comes home and you tell him you're sick and on antibiotics, he says something terrifying: "oh, i guess that means you can't drink".


woo hoo!

john vanderslice is coming back to new york!!! merc lounge april 27 and southpaw the 28th.
via the vegan

the les as a tourist destination

the madre was in town this weekend and decided she wanted to stay at a hotel. she asked me for suggestions, and i booked us at the hotel on rivington. why? because i wanted to see the inside, and i couldn't resist the idea of experiencing the neighborhood from inside a big glass tower, as though it was an amusement park. it's funny, and kind of sad, that there's this posh hotel in the middle of what used to be a bunch of crack houses. not that i'm advocating crack houses, but it sort of signals the end of an era for the neighborhood. once that blue thing is up, it's over. that's why i love park slope, it was never hip enough to get overrun by that certain kind of person who just wants to live in the hip neighborhood because it's hip.

anyway, here are some details and pictures of this bizzare and stinky place.

the first thing i noticed was a pungent, extremely unpleasant odor in the hallway. mom thought it was urine, but i know the smell of urine, and this wasn't it. i thought it smelled more like shit. eventually, we pinpointed it, the smell was vomit. mom said it was probably new carpet, cause sometimes that smells bad.

i've slept in a lot of different beds in my life. this was in the top five. unfortunately it (and the gorgeous down pillows and duvets) was so comfortable i kept waking up thinking, "ohh, this is great". but that's ok.

the curtains are controlled by a switch. yes, i spent about 10 minutes playing with the button. bzzzzz. bzzzzz. automatic curtains are fun.

the mini bar was pretty hoity toity, and annoying. stocked with requisite starbucks coffee drinks and coke, there was also courvosier, sofia wine (that canned stuff that the coppola kid "makes"), bloody teany tea drinks, two kinds of champagne and fancy nuts.

if you are skimming this, make sure you stop here and pay real attention: i was excited about a kit kat and picked it up only to discover that some very cheeky person had carefully opened the package, taken out ONE BAR and replaced it. ONE BAR. how do you eat one bar of a kit kat? and what kind of nerve is that?

i managed to break the nozzle for the steam shower, but i'm pretty sure it wasn't my fault. they had awesome bathrobes that were like duvets you could wear.

and now, the view:

17 February 2006

happy, happy, joy, joy

sometimes i wonder what i'd do without waxy. like right now, when i found the link for john k's (of ren & stimpy creative fame) blog. here.

remember back to the future III?

and how they had pizza hut and they put it in a toaster oven and like three seconds later out came a hot, gooey, probably disgusting pizza hut pizza?

the future is now. infrared toaster. might i recommend the celeste deluxe?

you can't get there from here...or there

coney island Fs are express from Jay street to Church ave. tomorrow from 7 am to 9 pm

the m and g are splitting in to two sections. just stay away from them.

Safety reminder of the week: Hold your child and fold the stroller. It is the safest way to travel.

not too creative, that one.

i expect more from you, nyc

le gawk says we're having our own hippie pillow fight tomorrow in union square at 2pm. first we copy their burritos and now their silly flash mob ideas? come on, where's the flash mob group mugging, or the spit fight, or the just all gather in one place and bump into each other and then give each other dirty looks flash mob? huh? where's the new york character gone?

someone go see the mugs for me

last night i walked home from city hall. amongst other things, i noticed a fair number of brooklyn heights denizens still have wreaths on their doors. dudes, just pull it off and throw it in the trash. you all probably have maids anyway.

on the way home i stopped at music matters and picked up "paper scissors rock", the ep from the mugs. i'll admit it disappointed me. the tracks they have to listen to online sound far more lush, so maybe they've remixed since the original recording. however, the mugs are playing scenic tonight, but as the moms is in town, and i'm pretty sure she's not gonna want to hit the show after we see whatever we're going to see at 122, i'm gonna have to miss this one. jerry yeti is planning on going, but i recommend to any of you out there with nothing to do tonight to buzz on down to scenic and check them out. and here's why.

the guy at music matters was extremely enthusiastic when he saw i was buying the ep. said they're really great live, sound better than the do on the ep. kexp is putting people on the guest list if you call them up and tell them you want to go. at least that's what they were doing yesterday.

and a little irony? these dudes used to play buttermilk (otherwise known as an extension of my living room in which beer is served) all the time. so i'm fairly sure that some day i walked past the milk, saw there was a band and said, "let's just go to commonwealth". i was thinking about how many times i did that, and how much i loved the jukebox and how tony (formerly of buttermilk) kept it stocked with quality tunes and i caught myself and realized. maybe i should have trusted buttermilk to have a fairly reasonable band. although the sound blows.

anyhoo. the moms and i are kickin' it hipster style and staying at the motherfucking hotel on rivington tonight. i hope we get the room with the three person shower, cause the moms is really fat. no, she's not. tomorrow the maj and i are going to see elefant and avoid black rebel motorcycle club. woot!

we are off to good start,

but we've still got a little ways to go.

Metropolitan is finally on dvd, which means it's officially "in q" on netflix. but why, in the name of everything holy, is criterion not just doing a whole "whit stillman smorgasbord"?

i think whit and noah baumbach should get together and write a movie. any white person who sees it will spontaneously combust from dialogue overload.

16 February 2006

a parting gift

i've been in a grouchier than normal mood all day and this is the first thing that got me to chuckle. it is probably one of those things that strikes me as utterly hilarious and no one else thinks is funny, but it's my blog and i'll post what i want.

after a few rumors on various websites (and i assume a lot of people asking the box office) cobble hill cinemas really wants you to know it's still open:

i love it.


and now we can stop talking about both of them

le superficial's got the tomcruise/oprah/jamesfrey menage a trois. wonder who's gonna get sued this time?

15 February 2006

it's not exactly good news...

google's not looking too hot right now. and didn't yahoo just get in trouble for this?

protest in dharmsala against google's cooperation with chinese censorship.

yeah, maybe you want to read this.


sfo beats brooklyn to the ineffectual punch

so we were/are supposed to have this giant snowball fight in prospect park. if the organizer can get insurance (right) and it happens to snow again at the weekend.

san franciscans, who know pretty well that they're not gonna get any snow, cleverly decided to have a flashmob pillow fight. hippies.


uh, people get some chips implanted into their arms

cool. yeah. sign me up for that.


AMNewYork guy: Motherfuckers, you betta check this shit out! Free paper, AMNewYork!
--96th & Broadway


read this

Our idea of relaxing is all too often to plop down in front of the television set and let its pandering idiocy liquefy our brains.

co-worker theatre

co-worker (to a different co-worker): do a google search. that's what i did for stirrup pants.

two tales of the subway and the morons who both operate and ride it

so on my way to volunteering monday night, i went to the e train. my 30 day metrocard had expired and i had transit checks plus US$1 to purchase a new one at the booth. of course, when i got into the station, it turned out one of the escalators had broken so everyone was clogged up trying to get down the stairs, which created a backup through the turnstiles, which got me upbeat about the whole situation.

i got to the window and tried to hand the lady my transitchecks plus US$1, but the little hole in the plexiglass was blocked. and then she said something that i had to ask her to repeat three times: "we don't sell anything here, you have to use the machines".

EXCUSE ME?!?! you don't sell anything at the fucking TOKEN BOOTHS? how the fuck did this get decided? why is she even there if she won't sell me a metrocard? this also begs the questions 1. why doesn't my company do that thing where they just send you the actual metrocard instead of transit checks? and 2. why don't the machines accept transit checks? and 3. what the fuck is fucking wrong with the fucking retarded mta? good jesus lord, it's incomprehensible the lack of common sense in that organization.

speaking of lack of common sense, i saw something that really set me giggling the other morning. this woman on the train was reading "sky mall". yes, that sky mall. the one you read only after you've already finished the book, magazine and newspaper you brought, have clearly read and understood all the safety procedures for this DC-10, can, at a moment's notice, tell someone what movies are playing on which routes in either direction, describe in detail the major airport hubs of that particular airline and have made a hand puppet out of the air sickness bag. that sky mall.

on the plane:
"oh, sky mall, i better remove that from the seat pocket in front of me so i can take it home and peruse it at my leisure. because it is full of quality products which are indispensible to my life and the lives of those i love."

on the subway: "i should pull out the sky mall i have brought with me, so i may peruse it and choose gifts for myself and those i love...such as the ergonomic haircare system, or an ionized bracelet, and for little jimmy, the home difibrillator. as i find these exciting gifts, i will fold down all the pages they are on so i will not forget what it is i want to purchase from sky mall."

yes, she was folding the pages so she could remember what to buy from fucking sky mall.

good luck, humanity.

pre-valentine delight

monday the brit and i went to St. Etienne (i'm not even bothering to link because the new site isn't functional and the "mothballed" one was last updated in 2003) at Irving Plaza. I think the last time i was at ip was for the shins in 2004, just after valentine's day. pretty interesting fact, eh?

anyway, they were PHENOMENAL. it was such a fun show. definitely an older crowd than i'm used to (read: mostly my age and older) but everyone was very much into it.

there's a great quality to their music that is at once comforting and exciting. their early 90s nostalgia goes a long way with me. and i think sarah cracknell has one of the most unique voices ever.

subpop site.

anyone know where i can get some cheap flowers?

there was certainly no valentine from blogger yesterday, as the little bitch decided to throw a hissy fit and shut down all day. some of you might have been expecting a diatribe on vd, but i didn't have one anyway, so you didn't miss much.

so what, you ask, did i do for valentine's day? ordered chinese food and did my laundry. and watched the end of arrested development. no' bad, i say.

not really sure what this says about me

at current count, i am the recipient of one voicemail and three emails concerning the british vote to ban smoking in public...so yeah, i know about it. it does make me sad, just like losing the routemasters and getting the olympics did. but time marches on. we will persever.

13 February 2006

it's not just me!!

no one thinks the funny pages are funny.



guillaume is thinking about buying a weekend hideaway in the mountains, so he & i drove out to callicoon to look at some houses saturday. it was a pretty good time. lots of scenery, cute little houses and the like.

of course there was also the stop at woodbury commons, where i bought out the american apparel outlet (t-shirts for 6 bucks!), and very barely resisted asking the sales clerk if aa told him to wear his hat all sideways like that.

here are some pictures for your enjoyment.




please do not think i did this weird formatting thing on purpose. i have neither the time nor the patience to try and make it look normal. forgive me.

we saw some pretty weird shit, including bar none, the ugliest wallpaper ever and a kitchen with formica walls. walls. i didn't even know you could do that.

praise be to god

Guy #1: What, you got a problem with me cursing?

Guy #2: Nah, nah, it's just that, you know, sayin' "holy fuck" is like talkin 'bout Jesus's mom fuckin' his dad and it's not cool to talk about Jesus's mom fuckin' people.

Guy #1: Dumbass, Jesus's mom didn't fuck anyone. She was a fuckin' virgin. How do I know this and you don't? You're the Christian.

Guy #2: What are you talkin' 'bout? How could Jesus have been born if his mom hadn't screwed his dad? Wait, who was Jesus's dad again?

Guy #1: Dude, are you serious?
--F train


der golem

friday (beta), woozy, guillaume and i went to the Rubin Museum (awesome museum, btw) for a screening of this super old german expressionist film, the golem (do i sound pretentious yet? give me a minute). the film was shown and this dude gary lucas was on hand to perform the score live. he had acoustic, electric and steel guitars and he was phenomenal. i could hardly watch the movie for his fingers flying all over the fretboard. it was fantastic. the movie itself is kind of whimsical. in that german expressionist kind of way.

so i went to the site to look up more about this gary lucas guy, and check this mofo out:

Gary Lucas is known for his collaborations with Jeff Buckley, Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band, Leonard Bernstein, Lou Reed, Nick Cave, David Johansen, John Cale, Mary Margaret O'Hara, John Zorn, Peter Stampfel, Patti Smith, Future Sound of London, Joan Osborne, Matthew Sweet, Iggy Pop, Bryan Ferry, Allen Ginsberg, Dr. John, Graham Parker, Bob Weir, and many others. Lucas co-leads a jazz-oriented instrumental Beefheart tribute band, Fast 'N' Bulbous. His band Gods and Monsters features Lucas on guitar, vocals and electronics and the rhythm section of Ernie Brooks (Modern Lovers) on bass and Billy Ficca (Television) on drums.

he made some truly weird sounds come out of that electric guitar.

first things first

best. grey's anatomy. ever.

i especially liked the part when burke walked into the OR where mcdreamy was performing BRAIN SURGERY (on another doctor's (who is currently in labor (but refuses to push because her husband isn't there)) husband) and was all "yo, what's up?" and mcdreamy was all "yeah, not much, just doing some brain surgery, no biggie". i would think you should really think twice before just barging into an OR (OR they?) and having a little chat with a doctor who's got someone's head sliced open. i mean what if mcdreamy had jumped or something and the scalpel went right into the dude's head. "oh, whoops. so that knicks game was a drag, huh?"

there's something about a show that makes me scream "now is not the appropriate time to discuss this!!!" upwards of six times per viewing.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! !!!!!! grey's anatomy, you torture me at every turn...

Check out our MusicCasts to hear clips from the show, learn why a particular song was chosen, and then hear that song in it's entirety!

you should all be shot.

10 February 2006

it's hard to divert service when there is no service

New Notice
Due to the weather forecast ALL scheduled weekend diversions are cancelled.

we'll just stop running trains cause of ice on the tracks or something.

Reminder: Subway and Bus passengers are advised that their backpacks and other large containers are subject to random search by the police.

on the road of life there are passengers and there are people who are about to get laid off

VW to cut up to 20,000 jobs worldwide.

jethro tull -- inventor

y'all remember yacht rock, right? 'cos if you don't, now's a good time to get re-acquainted. or just acquainted.

episode six is on at channel 101...

via this pretty funny stereogum post.

redacting will get you high

i just took a "value plus" black permanent marker to three pages of a contract. i haven't felt this woozy since middle school.

sure, but no one's gonna want to see a movie about a gravity tractor

firstly, i am disappointed in cnn for using scare tactics. the opening paragraph of this article about what to do if a giant asteroid is heading toward earth starts thusly:

An asteroid as big as a stadium is heading toward Earth. The impact could obliterate an area the size of Delaware. What to do?

ever-so-slightly irresponsible, no?

but it turns out we won't have to leave bruce willis stranded in space to blow the fucker up, we can just send a giant "pendulum" up in space to "nudge" the little asteroid into a different orbit. there is already an asteroid that has from 1 in 5,000 to 1 in 10,000 chance of hitting us in 2036, so they're thinking of testing the theory on it.

now that i'm all smart about gravity from my smart people book, i wonder two things, 1. what if somehow, we pull it to some weird spot where it slams into us more...of course, by accident, but hey, remember the hubble and the mars rover? and 2. i would think you'd have to push the sucker pretty far off course for it to no longer be under the influence of the earth's g-pull. i mean, when it gets near to the earth...but of course, what the fuck do i know?

so here's my cast thus far:

charlize theron as the hard working, underappreciated tractor driver in space
clint eastwood as the head of nasa, who doesn't think charlize is up to the task and doesn't want to hear about it
harrison ford as the washed up space cowboy who gets to relive his glory days helping charlize learn the ropes
ewan mcgregor as the hot shot astronaut who finally meets his match in this hard working, underappreciated tractor driver in space
jake gyllenhaal as the overly understanding bf of the hard working, underappreciated tractor driver in space, who gets dumped for the hot shot astronaut
kevin spacey just for credibility
morgan freeman as the voice of the asteroid
u2 to do the song
oh, and bernie mac to fill up the minority/comic relief/someone's gotta die in the movie slot

quiet night at home

last night i was enjoying some pistachios. i was getting a lot of satisfaction out of prying the shells open with my thumb- and fingernail and then popping the tasty morsel into my mouth. as i was enjoying these pistachios so, i turned to xx roommate and said, "eating nuts is fun".

09 February 2006

it is apparently impossible to resist the bloc party parade

i haven't yet listened to all the other final fantasy mp3s on this site, but i will say this: you will like the bloc party (this modern love) cover. a lot.

there's a little bit andrew bird going on here...

perhaps this is why brooklyn has such thriving music scene

matt pond adds himself and his band to the list of people who've had all their shit stolen as it sat in a van in brooklyn.

you gotta admit, it's getting kind of weird. but then again, some kid with a dream and a stolen guitar could be the next big thing in 6 months...

i would also like to know, when you look at this long list of crap they took--wouldn't it have been easier to steal the van, too? --probably because, on further reading, it was a trailer, which isn't quite as easy to drive away...

via the vegan.

my building is worth $750K

everyone's doin' it....zillow tells you how much your (or someone else's) home is worth. thanks to this nifty site, i also found out that our building was built in 1901...according to them...

huh, now i'm actually not so sure it was my building because they showed it at the wrong street. so, uh, don't take anything these guys say too seriously.

08 February 2006

pitchfork hearts the clogs

8.2 may not sound so sweet, but the actual review is pretty positive.

i've had this album for a little while, since the show...it's pretty enjoyable.

the elected have annoyed me now

so the elected are currently on tour with stars, who i am seeing at the end of the month. but the elected will not be with them for that part of the tour. instead they will be back on march 28 with the magic numbers, who i am fond of, but i ALREADY have tickets to stars, and that would just be so much EASIER!!! grumble....

brooklyn vegan

what kind of nerd am i?

considering the fact that i ran around showing everyone the new book i got from amazon today, and combining that with the fact that i am actually enjoying the elegant universe, even though i'm only on page 50, one might think i am pretty nerdy...

but i've been reading about the launch of this
songbird thingy (via waxy, see also lifehacker), i have zero idea how it works, and if there's really any point in me using it. however, i was totally stoked to see that on the screen cap they use in the boingboing article, there is a lovely selection of my morning jacket, to whom i am also currently listening.

so it seems as though i am...a wannabe nerd! someday maybe i'll get there.

and speaking of waxy, here's the trailer for nacho libre. despite the fact that it was directed by the guy who did napoleon dynamite, which i just will never get, it looks pretty funny. to wit: sometimes you wear stretchy pants.

has strongbad come to life? ok, this sbemail is one of the funnier ones i've seen in a while, although i've been slacking recently, keep this in mind, though: "Until a dorky chef's hat threatened to tear them apart." and "A cinematic breakfast snack of some kind".

HOLY SHIT! i now have a reason to buy a video ipod. strongbad podcasts!! OMG!!!

There's no way the bagel shop sign could be confused with the subway entrance. "The deli is clean and accessible," Perdomo quipped.

gothamist is on a roll with subway related news, and now i guess so am i. a follow up report on the bagel shop "f line bagels" who, as you may remember, were served a cease and desist order by the mta for giving it too much publicity.

the 4 and 5 suck less than the rest!

via gothamist

here's the old straphanger's report about being able to hear announcements on the trains. the 4 and 5 are doing OK cause they're all automated, but there is that annoying glitch where it says "for your safety, please do not hold or block the doors" or whatever that announcement is, about 4 dozen times in a row.

of course, it beats just enough crackle and human voice to wonder if the train's going out of service, derailing, going express or if the conductor just wanted to tell you the time an thank you for riding the mta.

we can't convert them if they're dead!!

Finally realizing that global warming's effects may severely reduce the number of poverty-stricken people in third world countries that are the bread & butter (if you will) of the evangelical missionary conversion initiative, they've banded together to try fix things.


Indeed, many of us have required considerable convincing before becoming persuaded that climate change is a real problem and that it ought to matter to us as Christians. But now we have seen and heard enough.

It shouldn't matter to you as humans, only as Christians. Good thing they finally came around, eh?

the Rev. Joel Hunter, pastor of a megachurch in Longwood, Fla., says: "As Christians, our faith in Jesus Christ compels us to love our neighbors and to be stewards of God's creation. The good news is that with God's help, we can stop global warming, for our kids, our world and for the Lord."

Ha! They want to do it for the Lord!!! The Lord does not give a fuck! And how can you do something for the Lord when you're going to need his help? "mom, will you help me clean the toilet? i'm doing it for you!"

The Evangelical Climate Initiative, at a cost of several hundred thousand dollars, is being supported by individuals and foundations, including the Pew Charitable Trusts, the Hewlett Foundation and the Rockefeller Brothers Foundation.

this is a bit unnerving. why is the Hewlett Foundation wrapped up in this? they wouldn't give me any money when i asked for it...

Jewish, Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox leaders also have campaigns under way.

Good, call in the big guns. the jews and catholics will just make global warming feel really guilty about what it's done.

Speaking of global warming, here are a couple articles about all that weird stuff they found in
indonesia. i give it 3 months before the first mcdonald's wrapper is found on the ground.

Love, like mayonnaise, is a texture thing.

bonnaroo just sent me this article about being picky in love. so in the spirit of the upcoming celebration of that very emotion, i give it to you. watch out for arm hair.

The Taquito Moment is the test you didn't know you were giving until the other person failed. Sometimes, it's an impossible test.

"I say, hurl," Wayne advises Garth in "Wayne's World." "If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be."

this actually works. my mom threw up on her and my dad's first date, and, well, they got married. he said it was the most interesting date he'd ever been on.

07 February 2006

no reason to panic

experts are worried about the increasing number of americans who are relying on sleeping pills (lord only knows why, i can barely wrench myself out of bed in the morning), because they think people might be ignoring the underlying problems like depression. clearly this is a ploy to get more people on prozac.

get to it!

apparently, there's no real reason to cut out the cheese (yay!) or meat (yay!) or chocolate or any of that other stuff that tastes good but will kill you, because it turns out, it won't kill you. in fact, it will only make you stronger.

although, this only works for the ladies apparently.

06 February 2006

more grizzly man

just ran into apple brandy and turns out she'd watched grizzly man this weekend, too. we agreed on most points, including the fact that werner herzog is a total egomaniac.

corporate-casual comes to the rescue with a bizzare tale of the aggrandizing german.

sooner or later i'll come to see you

blast! curses! god-bloody-dammit!

i can't believe i didn't know this.

NEXT: My Morning Jacket's Jim James joined M. Ward on stage for four songs at Warsaw in Brooklyn Friday night (Feb 3).
"...Matt Ward took to the stage with a rhythm guitarist, bassist and drummer. Halfway through his set, Jim James came out for a few numbers and the crowd was happy a lot. The set spanned M.'s three albums...." [
Trouser Mouse]

'k, so i was TOTALLY AT THAT SHOW AND HAD NO IDEA WHO THAT GUY WAS! and we were talking about it the next day and i was like "i couldn't really see him". and i LOVE LOVE LOVE MMJ!!!! ARGH!!!!

and, directly contrary to what i said would happen (jenny would show up at matt's show) m ward opened for jenny lewis....

you should really click on the trouser mouse link above, because he(?) describes how michael pitt smashed up his amp at the end of their set, and then had to come back out and clean it up. we were safely hidden in the bar at this point.

brooklyn vegan

you will like reading vice's don'ts

hell, you might even want to check out the do's

more bullshit from the mta, and some other stuff to piss you off

Practically every story on this morning’s gothamist is worth reading and being annoyed by.

First, they’re all on about the stupid things the mta wants you to think it’s going to do sometime in the future. Glass doors on the platforms? What the hell for? So people can break them and to that scratchitti or whatever it’s called on them? I don’t think so. Maps so you can see not only which train you’re on but where all the others are for easier transfers? Methinks all this will cause is more frustration when you are arriving and you see that you will just barely miss the train to which you would like to transfer. Yeah, tell the commuters what they’re missing. Haven’t these people heard the phrase “ignorance is bliss”?

Then they move on to the map of
atlantic yards. While it’s a useful rendition, atlantic yards puts me in a bad mood.

Finally there’s that stupid crap about using the “I heart ny” logo without someone’s consent. Please, people. Really.

the wrap-up

saturday night i played loser, as did my roommates, and we stayed in and watched grizzly man. have you seen this movie? first of all, i do not recommend watching it after watching 4 straight episodes of 'curb your enthusiasm', cause it's hard enough to take that treadwell guy seriously, but when you're already thinking like larry david, you (or at least i) become downright evil. anyway, i don't think we were supposed to be laughing quite as much as we did, but we did. that dude... yeah, Issues.

sunday, xx and i walked down through sunset park. the most important part of this journey, aside from the superfluous dodgeball check in, was finding
melody lanes!! let the bowling madness begin. i love bowling. it fits into my 'sports i can do whilst i drink beer' repertoire. (tonight it's trivia at last exit)

i finally finished reading
nobrow, which i ended up liking more than i thought i would, although it wasn't really very groundbreaking. i've moved on to something lighter, the elegant universe. i'm on page 7 and i'm not confused yet.

gorenski was having the requisite superbowl party, so we picked up some sam adams winter lager (quite a winner, that one) and enjoyed some homemade (and super delicious) chicken wings. of course, someone like me, who didn't even know who was in the superbowl until like friday, doesn't give a shit about watching the game. i decided to go for the seahawks and found myself quite the minority. the disappointed minority. but let's face it, it's really about the ads. so here are the ads that won my heart or made me cringe (most of them are watchable
here or here):

NB: what was up with those stupid montages of the players with the trophy? there are all sorts of arguments against this...why are they posing with something they haven't won? who wants to see this shit? and did anne geddes take these?

i get a lot of shit for drinking bud light, but i like it and it gets me drunk. i have never been more proud to be a bud light drinker than when the "
hidden bud lights" ad kicked things off (pardon the pun). i imagine my own joy would be similar if i were trying to find bud lights hidden all over my office. mmmm, beer.

perhaps it was my recent viewing of grizzly man, but the "
save yourself" bud light was totally hilarious as well. way to come back at the last second with a zinger, bud!

who the fuck did kermit's voice in that
hybrid suv ad? it sounded terrible. not that i really cared, cause hybrid or not, i don't want kermie selling cars. ever.

the burger king ad, as well as that
hummer ad where the robot and a relative of jabba the hut have a baby and it's a hummer, were pretty effed up. but props to them for making an ad about food that nauseates people, and making me picture a robot and a relative of jabba the hut doin' it. daring, kids.

the emerald nuts guys (link no worka), normally pretty reliable with their absurd little spots, fell short this time. you're trying too hard, kids.

fedex struck out with the
caveman thing. at least for me. it was mildy entertaining, but, like the hummer ad, i could see just how much money (well not exactly how much, but i knew it was probably more than i make in a year) they pissed away just making the thing.

mastercard succeeded in making me want to watch 'half baked' again.

most of the budweiser ads managed to equal the bud light ads, only in suck rather than funny.

i noted how i was impressed that
aleve were willing to spend so much money to target the arthritic trekkie. someone pointed out that lots of them probably did have arthritis from playing video games. i noted they probably had it from constant jerking off.

just after halftime (i'm not even touching that), we went to
bar bq to meet up with some other folks. they had a whole roasted pig (forgot the digicam, or i'd have a picture of its little roasted head) and mac 'n'cheese. i'd eaten my body weight in wings, so i skipped the snacks. but just after my carlesberg and i sat down, the cheerstobeer ad came on. of course, by this time i'd imbibed just enough of the celebrated beverage to think this was the greatest commercial, for the greatest product, ever in the entire world.

we were still at gorenski's when something terrible happened. a bright blue liquid ran through a tube on the screen, then a bright green one. i immediately knew: here comes the shitty-ass, stupid razor-that-will-change-the-way-you-shave-forever commercial. i threatened to kill someone and my conviction was questioned when i didn't follow through on it. i tried to ignore it every subsequent time it aired.

there was a good one for a phone i think with a benny hill homage. also good use of the song "baby come back", which is both underappreciated and underrepresented in bar jukeboxes. perhaps a good one for karaoke?

note to dove: you may not use "true colors" in an ad. under any circumstances.

xx and i decided to take off and head home. but we also decided we weren't quite drunk enough, and we'd certainly need some beer for gray's anatomy XL, featuring a "code black". we stopped at a bodega, but none of the beers had prices on, so i said to the guy "what's your cheapest six-pack? we have $7". he gave us some miller light and carded us, which struck me as hysterical.

when we got home we proceeded to annoy the shit out of xy roommate by continually repeating the phrase "i wish i could quit you" and forcing beer on him. he was delighted.

welcome to my photoblog

i got a digicam for that time of year when everyone gets presents and i've finally put some of the photos on my computer. so here, without further ado, are my first wobbly pictures from friday's walk over the williamsburg bridge.

this one to the left here is the cables above the bridge. this picture doesn't do them any justice when you consider that it was a perfectly clear night and i could see all of 12 or so stars behind the cables. also, the cables are not red in real life.

this whole walk came about since the maj and i were headed off to warsaw to see m ward. we figured since it was such an insanely warm winter eve, we should walk from the les.

we stopped off for a lovely smithwick's at royal oak, which i loved. certainly one of the most village-pub-esque bars in all of nyc. i will be returning.

as one of the great mysteries of the universe, someone booked this band pagoda (which includes michael pitt, whom you may remember from such movies as 'the dreamers', that gus van sant thing about kurt cobain and 'murder by numbers') as the opener. clearly michael hasn't gotten past his days of pretending to be KC. he was sporting a shaggy haircut which he made sure covered most of his face, a surplus army jacket, and the same blue guitar as the man himself. he also impersonated the wailing scream, the 'woe is me' lyrics and the tortured soul look. this. band. sucks. ass. hard. they were so bad, no one in the audience was even bobbing their heads. most people were looking around at each other and whispering what i can only imagine were thoughts of disappointment and anger. the maj and i booked out to the bar and waited for the pain to stop.

m ward was excellent. this was a much more diverse show than the other ones i've seen. he did a lot more of his quieter stuff, which was lovely. he had a piano and a band, which made things more interesting. i was very pleased when, for his second encore, he played 'carolina', which was the song that got me hooked.