15 February 2006

two tales of the subway and the morons who both operate and ride it

so on my way to volunteering monday night, i went to the e train. my 30 day metrocard had expired and i had transit checks plus US$1 to purchase a new one at the booth. of course, when i got into the station, it turned out one of the escalators had broken so everyone was clogged up trying to get down the stairs, which created a backup through the turnstiles, which got me upbeat about the whole situation.

i got to the window and tried to hand the lady my transitchecks plus US$1, but the little hole in the plexiglass was blocked. and then she said something that i had to ask her to repeat three times: "we don't sell anything here, you have to use the machines".

EXCUSE ME?!?! you don't sell anything at the fucking TOKEN BOOTHS? how the fuck did this get decided? why is she even there if she won't sell me a metrocard? this also begs the questions 1. why doesn't my company do that thing where they just send you the actual metrocard instead of transit checks? and 2. why don't the machines accept transit checks? and 3. what the fuck is fucking wrong with the fucking retarded mta? good jesus lord, it's incomprehensible the lack of common sense in that organization.

speaking of lack of common sense, i saw something that really set me giggling the other morning. this woman on the train was reading "sky mall". yes, that sky mall. the one you read only after you've already finished the book, magazine and newspaper you brought, have clearly read and understood all the safety procedures for this DC-10, can, at a moment's notice, tell someone what movies are playing on which routes in either direction, describe in detail the major airport hubs of that particular airline and have made a hand puppet out of the air sickness bag. that sky mall.

on the plane:
"oh, sky mall, i better remove that from the seat pocket in front of me so i can take it home and peruse it at my leisure. because it is full of quality products which are indispensible to my life and the lives of those i love."

on the subway: "i should pull out the sky mall i have brought with me, so i may peruse it and choose gifts for myself and those i love...such as the ergonomic haircare system, or an ionized bracelet, and for little jimmy, the home difibrillator. as i find these exciting gifts, i will fold down all the pages they are on so i will not forget what it is i want to purchase from sky mall."

yes, she was folding the pages so she could remember what to buy from fucking sky mall.

good luck, humanity.

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