31 May 2006

adventures in customer service

the last 15 minutes have presented me with what are hopefully the final chapters in two misadventures in which i've been lately involved.

the first is to do with my email at work. for those of you who use outlook, you might be familiar with the handy little tool known as "auto-complete". this means when you put someone in your contacts whose name is Crackhead Buttjammer, all you have to type in your "to" field is "crack" and bill gates fills in the rest. only we got a new server recently. i'm sure in the long run this will bring us nothing but great joy, for now it's a motherfucking pain in my ass. all my files require half a dozen more mouse clicks than they used to, i had to reset all my shortcuts and this new problem with email is hassling me.

since i've seen a number of verbatim emails reproduced in blogs cause nothing but trouble, here is my version of what happened (and i'm paraphrasing myself here)

Dear Tech Support:

My little thingy that makes names pop up in the "to" field of my email doesn't seem to be working. Instead, I have to scroll through my contacts list and select them. This is especially difficult for my distribution lists, as it becomes very time consuming. Next time you're in the office, can you fix this?




Dear Wild Cherry Sara,

Since we got a new server, you and your distribution lists are fucked. Sorry. You'll have to redo them all.

Tech Support


Dear Tech Support,

I actually already did redo all the lists, but they still aren't recognized until i go through that drop down menu that allows you to choose from the "universal" contacts or my "personal" contacts. This sucks for me.



No response at press time.

Update. turns out they could and did fix the problem. hooray!

Nextly, we deal with Cingular Wireless. I'm not linking to them because you can figure out what their website is and there's no real reason to anyway.

I had this LG phone that had a mysterious icon on it some of the time. it was a little arrow pointing up. I looked high and low through the user's manual and there was no mention of this icon. i called cingular and a very nice lady and i had some chuckles over it and she couldn't find it either.

then, two months ago there was a $75 charge on my bill for internet use. i don't use the internet on my phone--ever. ever, ever, ever, ever EVER. when i accidentally push that button i fly into a panic and smash cancel as hard and as frequently as possible until i get that reassuring blank screen with the time and "cingular" on it.

anyhow, insanely long story involving about seven (20+ minute) phone calls to cingular short, i got all the charges (and subsequent charges) removed and they sent me a replacement phone. i'll give them this, cingular customer service i swear used to be staffed by prisoners at minimum security prisons. surly idiots who could not have given less of a shit (not that i can blame them) about me and my phone problems. but they've been replaced by very nice (indians?) people, one of whom told me all about how he's going to buy a new car (new to him) and he was gonna sell his mom his old car but he totalled it and it was almost paid off and...

ok, so i got a new phone. yay! and it wasn't logging on to the internet every single minute of the day. yay! but i realized after a couple people said "didn't you get my message?" that the voice mail icon was no where to be found. boo!

so again i called and they explained that (oops!) the new sim card they'd sent with my new phone didn't work with that phone (why they shipped these two things together if they do not work in tandem is beyond me), but they would gladly and promptly send a new one. which they did, and i got it today. and i called to activate it and it turns out they sent ANOTHER WRONG SIM CARD. what the bloody fuck? isn't there a bin marked "LG phones" and a bin next to it marked "sim cards that work with LG phones" or something like that in the big warehouse in texas where they keep all this shit? good god.

three arms

and a baby.

sheep in sheep's clothing

one of the things i vaguely remember from this weekend is telling xy over and over again that i was a sheep in sheep's clothing. at the time i thought it was immensely clever, but i have no idea what i was getting at, and the only reason i remembered it in the first place was the nofx review in pitchfork (linked above).

the best thing about summertime weekends is that all the prats tend to get out of town, leaving the increasingly smelly, steamy, sticky streets to people like me. this is also an important weekend for me because i moved here on memorial day in 2002, so i like to do as many new york-centric things as possible. and drink lots of beer outside.

saturday xx, guillaume and tbone and i took a lovely walk through red hook which began with an investigation of the future whole foods/current toxic waste dump (below and below), wove through the bqe (left) and culminated in a binge at the new red hook fairway (below left). $75 got us a bottle of the most delicious olive oil i've ever tasted, some sausage, steaks and FIVE kinds of cheese. xx and i have both decided we want to marry the cheese guy. we went back about three times and had what can only be described as completely retarded conversations about goat's milk brie and romano cheeses. as we rang up, the cashier asked 'do you always buy cheese like this?' it was more than slightly embarassing.

after dropping off the food, xx and i felt that magnetic pull towards the only place one should spend a sunny saturday afternoon -- gowanus yacht club. we followed this up (after xy joined us) with a trip to brooklyn social, where the aforementioned "sheep in sheep's clothing" comment occured. and where we later schooled two dudes who'd been at a wedding earlier that day at pool. again and again. turns out i don't actually suck at pool. at least not that much.

we knew things were out of hand when the barmaid from gowanus showed up at bsc, and then they were really out of hand when ivan, conjuring a serious case of deja vu, told everyone it was time to go home, please. i went to bed just as the sky was turning that very pretty but somewhat disturbing shade of blue and the birds in the tree outside my window were happily chirpping their heads off, making falling asleep at 530am a lot more difficult than it should have been.

11am! another stupid thing i said when xy and i were at brooklyn social was that i'd make breakfast the next morning. he forgets to take out the trash, or wash his dishes, etc. but does he forget i said i'd make breakfast? no. xx and xy and i united our hangovers to create some poached eggs, sausage, bacon, cheese grits and mango juice.

we headed into manhattan for the avenue c street fair, where jensenator met up with us and we all enjoyed various street foods and confusion over the number of "healthfirst" vans throughoutthe fair. we also noted a distinct lack of hipsters, which we compared with the overwhelming number we saw at our own 5th ave fair not long ago. where did they all go? xy and i had a swift half at
patio lounge, where i had some rasberry beer thing that tasted like black cherry soda. nice, but very sweet.

monday i had a delish brunch at five points with (beta), woozy and guillaume. passionfruit belinis = awesome! we popped over to lunasa for a couple hefeweizen before heading once again to the yacht club (which had been ransacked and was out of pbr, 160z bud, regular buds and various wursts) and eventually to commonwealth where we finally realized this beautiful gift of three days of perfect weather, walks and wheat beers was winding down. boo.

but fear not! tonight, we head back to our home away from home for trivia!

26 May 2006

oh big brother, where art thou?

America Online Inc. employs more than a dozen people, including several former prosecutors, handling almost 12,000 requests a year from federal state and local police agencies. The unit works 24 hours a day, seven days a week and maintains a special hotline that police or federal agents can call to help them with their queries and tailor their requests. For the last five years the company has published a "Law Enforcement Training Manual" complete with information about how long the company retains basic subscriber information and unread email, to sample subpoena and court-order wordings to speed processing of the police demands.

this should freak you out. a lot.

Oh goddammit!

skype. china. wiretap. ugh.

(via consumerist)

no skills of any kind required

every now and again, i look at the parks department to see if they have anything i want to do there, and here is the requirement for a "community assistant":

There are no formal education or experience requirements for this position. However, the ability to understand and carry out simple instructions is required

hell yeah, the ability to understand and carry out simple instructions!!! totally have that!!

25 May 2006

apples are hot & juicy!

there was an article or four in endgaget that mentioned macbookpros' tendency to get a little hot under the collar, and how therefore apple put a warning in their manuals and dumped the term "laptop" altogether.

this article, while interesting, i suppose, in and of itself, linked to another article about a "don't chew on me" warning for shuffles in the UK (vs the "don't eat me" warning in the US).

this, of course, reminded me of the guy i saw the other day on the F who was, i kid you not, nor do i exhaggerate: treating his nano like a lolly. first he was just sort of pushing it against his closed lips, but then, i guess he just couldn't resist. at first i was concerned that he'd fuck it all up by getting saliva in little slot where you plug in the, uh, plug thing, which is gross anyway. then i realized the nano has the headphone jack and the pluggy inny thing on the same side and he was sucking, and now, it seemed, chewing, on the other side. so good for that, i guess. then i wondered about the "lock" mechanism. then i realized the guy is chewing on fucking ipod nano and he's probably got way more problems besides getting his drool in the lock mechanism.

still, what the hell?

24 May 2006

if only i'd been that duck

Little boy to duck: Uh, what the fuck, dude?
--Harlem Meer, Central Park


onion rings and pixies covers

i am hungover, so it's no surprise that an article in the times about a guy driving all over the country and eating a bunch of fast food caught my aching eye this morning. what was a surprise was his ability to appreciate The Varsity, an atlanta establishment for lots of years that holds a very special place in my heart (and not just because it's clogging my arteries). everyone has a thing at the varsity, and mine by far and away is the onion rings. they have what are basically broomsticks with loops of thinly sliced onions (vidalia?) stacked on that they dip in to batter and then fry. what you end up with is more like one mutant onion ring, but good lord are they delicious. what i wouldn't do for some right now.

what i do have right now comes to you courtesy of manlio, who correctly told me i'd love this> what happens when some dude with what is clearly limitless free time remakes pixies songs in the style of, oh, say, the beach boys? or the beegees? go find out. you will be rewarded.

23 May 2006

23-fer tuesday

huh. iraq is starting to sound a lot like east compton.

NO!! I'm a volcano!!!

when i lived in london, my friend had a halloween party. the english aren't super into halloween. not like we are. so my friend's party was actually a theme party. we will not discuss how moronic it is to have a themed party on halloween, for we should be happy they had a fancy dress party for halloween at all. (they do seem to have fancy dress parties more frequently throughout the rest of the year, however. and they are very fun despite the disproportionate number of people dressed up as the clockwork orange kids.)

the theme was Hawai'i. why? i don't know. it's not like it's bad enough to have a themed party for halloween, but -- right, i wasn't going to do that...

so i decided to go as a volcano. i was extremely impressed with my cleverness. i wore a long black skirt and a black shirt and painted my face and neck bright orange, donned an orange clown's wig and had orange crepe paper streaming down from my neckline. it was entirely impossible for anyone to NOT know i was a volcano. right?

as halloween is not much of an event in london, it's not like walking around new york with a huge orange wig and an orange face. you kinda stand out. especially when your lame ass friends and flatmates could muster little more than shorts and hawaiian shirts as costumes. and also would not walk within 20 meters of you.

and suddenly you'll notice that the things people on the street have been hollering at you all sound the same. and eventually you figure out that what they've been saying is "you've been tango'd".

ahh. you don't know what this means, but your friend explains tango is an orange flavoured fizzy beverage whose commercials regularly featured people popping cans open, taking a swig and ending up looking like what i would call a volcano. their hair pops out and they turn orange. i've never actually seen one of those ads, but i saw others whilst i lived there, and they were always pretty good.

the point is, today craigslist sent me a link to this tango ad. not only did it remind me of that moronic night when i rode the tube angrily declaring myself a volcano, but it's a nice rip off of that sweet sony ad from a while back. the frog does not fare so well this time.

also: dr. dog and myspace i recommend gettin' down with the kexp podcast.
finally: do you know what's been missing from your life?
my old kentucky blog does. it's a whole bunch of different people covering such songs as "love will tear us apart", "god only knows", "in the aeroplane over the sea" and "there is a light that never goes out". but it's missing no more.

blogger spellcheck says clowns cannot have posessions and nothing can be fizzy


i was just reading turning all the pages of NY Magazine and i came across this article about al gore. i didn't read word one of the article, because i'm over al gore, but i did see the raddest picture of people who used to run the country ever:

i am fairly sure al is telling the photographer: "no, seriously, i LOVE you". and note the trajectory of bill's gaze. as well as the generaly sleazy look on his face. hills looks kinda cute. and wasted.

22 May 2006

Save 5ave

GL is sporting this rendering of what the view up 5th ave will be when frank gets his retarded paws all over it.

ps don't vote for freddie hamilton...

how to gracefully disappear in a room

i spent most of the weekend holding back tears of laughter as my aunt's rotweiler ate every paper product in the house: paper bags, paper towels, paper napkins, tissues and, the piece de resistance -- grabbing the end of the toilet roll and running through the house, tping the inside, for ten minutes. she also tried to eat my socks. she loves my socks.

but then i got on a train and came back to new york city. i celebrated by immediately getting poured on as i walked out of the subway. this has been happening a lot. and i have been not bringing any kind of rain gear with me a lot. thus, i have been walking around soaking wet frequently. but, no matter.

the fifth ave fair was on in full effect and like good street fairers, xx and i ate our way up it and drank our way down it. yes. street fairs are like heaven on earth. snacks included a rib from blue ribbon, sushi from blue ribbon (oh god!), mozareppa, pickles, a samosa, pad thai and beer (six point ipa and sweet action, yum).

i then hopped the f to meet jensenator at webster hall for the national show. we got there early to check out doveman, which turned out to be a waste of time, as neither of us were terribly interested.

but the second opener, this baby dayliner person, was very entertaining, if a little unnerving. he sort of mosey-dances his way around the stage with his pompadour and sings (badly) very strange and funny lyrics over what might be very obscure 80s tunes and if not are very good copies of 80s tunes. jensenator smartly said it was like karaoke, mostly cause the guy just isn't a very talented singer. but i was definitely getting a little dancy itch in my legs and he's pretty freaking funny. worth checking out if only for sheer entertainment value. however, i was over it about three songs before he was.

then the national came on. played a very nice set with most, if not all, of alligator and a few from dirty songs.... they're good. real good. very tight. i have a huge crush on one of thier guitarists now based on not only his cuteness, but the fact that he's the one who plays all the pretty little riffs, and watching his fingers run across those strings? wow.

lit up and mr. november were sure crowd pleasers, and i was surprised that all the wine got as big a reaction as it did. i did not get 90 mile water wall, but that's OK. i did get karen and secret meeting.

so matt beringer, though. uh. issues. the lyrics certainly make you think something's up, but his onstage antics rival thom yorke's in the "super crazy lead singer" category. he sort of knocked the mic against his head and looked generally disturbed most of the show. i sort of hope it was an act, cause this dude looks like he's got serious problems. also, not one for the "performer/audience" banter. more of the "this show was supposed to be at bowery ballroom, but they moved it, and we don't care. this show was supposed to be for charity, but now it's not, so we're all getting personal slaves" (only it took about 10 minutes to get that out) type.

good show, though.

and finally, the answer to today's inane question: yes, pink good & plentys taste better than white ones.

i couldn't make this shit up if i tried

first, they finished the human genome. so, there's that.

second, and more importantly: someone is creating an anti-diarrheal drug that grows in rice and is made from a human gene.

so, like, "human rice" will stop the runs. or something. does this make me a cannibal?

(via slashdot)

didya hear about iran? they are such copycats!

you knew they'd fuck it up sooner or later

some companies are writing in support of anti-net neutrality laws. awesome! (via slashdot)

(ps, that was sarcasm)

19 May 2006

brook-lyn! brook-lyn! brook-lyn!

blah blah civil war in brooklyn. wburg sucks! no park slope sucks! they both suck! doesn't anyone else remember those stupid L train vs. F train fights people used to have on craigslist? this has been going on for eons and for eons more it will go. who gives a shit? what really sucks is the MTA, 'k?

HOWEVER, and far more importantly, the borough unites in this, my new favorite blog ever (don't worry, i'm fickle, there'll be a new one next week):


good god there are a lot of bloggers in this borough.

also sprach fifth avenue

we don't want no baby gap up in here
on the un-billposted section of the wall around the big hole at 5th and 13th, where the BG is rumored to be gestating as we speak.

it's so, so, disappointing

one of my friends in london emailed me yesterday to tell me of his miraculously successful attempt to get a ticket for radiohead there last night. he phoned them up about 5 hours before the show and got the ONE remaining ticket.

and this morning, i got his review:

it was pretty good. nice to see them in a smallish venue for the first time in about 13 years.
they played for over 2 hours and let down was in there

i have seen radiohead five times now, and i didn't even bother trying for tickets to this tour because they were pretty expensive and i knew, KNEW they weren't ever going to play "let down" live again. and that's pretty much the only thing i'd need to see to complete my list of songs i want to see live (except for los pixies' "dig for fire"). so i was like, whatevs. but now, i see on a few setlists and have confirmation from a living friend of mine, that they are playing motherfucking let down on this tour. god fucking dammit!

18 May 2006

gone, daddy gone, the [maj] is gone away

the maj and i had a little lame fest last night. we dropped by american apparel and spent more money than we should've and then walked, via rachel's taqueria, back to my house where we ate and booked our hotel for delhi. then we said goodbye to each other about six bazillion times.

but, there's something pretty fucking rad about saying, "i'll see you in india", especially when it will be as i walk up to find her laying by this pool:

yes, my brothers and sisters, this is the pool of the maidens hotel. it's old colonial style with lots of "grounds" and a "bar" and also a "pool". and they will pick us up from indira ghandi international airport. the maj gets in july 1 at 10pm and i arrive 2 july at 8am.

17 May 2006

all you gotta do is pick it up!

give a heartfelt speech about how to eat a watermelon. then stroll around washington dc with a bunch of kids...

16 May 2006


consumerist, one of the greatest ideas ever, has enlightened me to the fact (although, i've heard this rumour a dozen times, it was always something i meant to look up on snopes) that bananas are going bye-bye. apparently they can't reproduce sexually any more, which is a real goddamn shame. especially seing how fallic bananas are in the first place.

this reminds me of a story the maj told me about the trees in new york city. apparently, they're all male. males give off more pollen, but they make less of a mess when they shed, or some crap. anyway, we have a city full of homotrees. what i like about this story is, despite having no idea where it originated, the maj, xx and i all decided to believe it because just because we liked the sound of it.

good news for bloggers who like to go outside occasionally and sit under a male non-banana tree:
The effort is part of a larger initiative that would also set up wireless networks by summer's end in parts of three more large parks: Prospect Park in Brooklyn, Van Cortlandt Park in the Bronx and Flushing Meadows-Corona Park in Queens.

I know i've been really, really negligent on this lately, but here to make it up to you, i give thee "baghdad parking garage kills at least 19"

it's a bocce bocce bocce bocce world

saturday started bright and early with a pre-playoff workout. i walked over to floyd, ready to play game two of the playoffs. we were up against the sweet meats, a team we've faced on many occasions in the past and were hoping to beat.

floyd shows footie on the weekends and there were about 150 brits when we got there. these were truly some of the rudest english people i've ever seen, and i've watched footie at pubs in london. when the lights went on over the court, one particularly raucous ogre-type threw a bit of a hissy. for reasons i don't particularly understand, the head of the sweet meats was all "well, we can play with the lights off, right?" to be honest, he looked a little worried. so we played with the lights down low.

but the fun didn't stop there, the west ham and liverpool fans figured that a bocce game didn't really hold prevalance over them having a clear path to and from the toilets. with zero regard for either of the teams, drunken boys used the court as their personal yellow-brick road. this was, as you might imagine, intensly irritating.

despite all these factors working against us, along with being a pared-down team of only me, the schwartz, bonnaroo and coach dodgeball, we gave the sweet meats a talking to. we smoked them 7-0 in the first game and 7-2 in the second. yeah, biatch.

the rest of the day was wiled away with food and more drinks, including a "baci" at bar toto, in honor of the playoffs. that night, xx, bonnaroo, coach d'ball, jonny 5, shwags, the jensenator and others descended upon the magician to celebrate (i guess) the maj's bon voyage. she is deserting us for like 8 months or something. luckily, i'll see her in delhi in 1.5 months.

a failed attempt at karaoke led us to three of cups, where we ran into a very, very, very drunk girl who was just turned thirty and was clearly thrilled about it. she might have had a little crush on xx. that or xx was conveniently located for all of this chick's anti-balancing act. we were sitting by her bag of gifts and such and she came over and uttered something to the effect of "i just don't know you guys and my stuff is over there and i don't know you". why they'd abandoned the whole area and the presents is beyond me, but for some reason our up-until-then well behaved group decided to rumage through the bag. i put on a pair of those ugly plastic clogs, jensenator tried on what was clearly a woman's jacket.

sunday the four of us, plus xx for moral and photographic support, were at floyd again by 1pm. this time we played nototious B.R.F. a nice team of ladies with a name i don't understand. we beat them, too, but i'll be damned if i can remember the scores.

then the break of death. it was about 2 and our next game was at 5. we all decided to ease up on the drinking and hang around and watch the games. we saw the coffee flat terrors get creamed by the old dirty barristers, and boccelism beat, uh, someone. things were decidedly low-key. xx pointed out that we usually sit in the front of the bar where more sunlight comes in, and so the fact that we were toward the back all day might have accounted for the complete sluggishness that set in just after lunch.

the reason we weren't sitting at the front is because there was a christening party in the front. yep, a whole swarm of WASPS in kakhis and spring dresses took up the front part of the bar. their kids loved the bocce. unfortunately, they loved being on the court whilst we were playing, which isn't so cool with me. one of notorious B.R.F. very politely asked the mom to get her kid off the clay, and that solved that problem. i was glad, cause i know i wouldn't have been quite so diplomatic. anyway, these creatures brought tons of food. they looked like they were at some sort of croquet party, only they were in a dark bar at 2 in the afternoon. it was totally weird.

the schwartz was about to take off for a mother's day dinner, and the maj showed up just in time to take over. schwartz and i rolled the first game against boccelism, which they took 7-1. maj and i were in it to win it for the second game. bonnaroo and coach d'ball were on FIRE. i had two really awesome rolls, but the rest weren't particularly productive. we came back to win 7-5. it came down to the third game, and, um. you see, what happened was i rolled, and the ball, having a mind of its own, did not do what i told it to do. instead it went and hit one of boccelism's balls closer to the pallino, giving them the win. whoops.

boccelism ended up taking the trophies in the end, although i snuck out for a cigarette and avoided the entire awards ceremony. i'm kind of a sore loser...

and so, we close the book on another season of rolling heavy balls down a court into a littler ball.

three cheers for watch your balls!!

12 May 2006

why you gotta piss me off on a friday?

this gothamist post alerted many new yorkers that frank gehry unveiled (no pun intended. you'll see in a sec) his new fucklantic yards plan.

...Gehry named the tallest building the "Miss Brooklyn" after a bride he saw while walking in Brooklyn, saying "She's a bride with her flowing bridal veil--I really overdid it. If you had seen the bride you would--I fell in love with her."

go fuck yourself, frank. and ha! she's already married to someone else.

get a load of this bullshit, though:

We're trying to understand what is Brooklyn, what is the body language of Brooklyn and trying to emulate it without copying it. Copying it would trivialize it.

the body language of brooklyn? first of all someone should revoke your ability to use the english language. you're a twat. second, i'll tell you what the body language of brooklyn is, it's short, and squat, and beefy, and a little sweaty, and ready to beat the EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF YOU. then he said some rubbish about how people should've protested henry ford. well, hindsight is 20/20, motherfucker. if we'd known then that a nazi sympathizer would essentially be responsible for a goddamn crack addiction to oil, not to mention covering 10% (?) of the nation in roads and parking lots and, oh, global warming, and hell, traffic in general, maybe we would have protested the son of a bitch. but luckily for us, we know you're a twat now, so we can protest you now! i will shove brooklyn's body language up your shiny surfaced ass! i hate you!

and forward this if any of your friends might be interested

you know how we all (or maybe just people i know) send out those emails: "hey, we're moving, want our stuff?" "i'm getting rid of [thing], who wants it?" "i have an extra ticket to [gig/play] anyone want it?"

where's this one?

"hey, i accidentally got knocked up last month and i'm not so into abortions, so do you or anyone you know want this kid i'm gonna have? you have about 6 months to make the decsion, b/c i want to make sure it has a place to go when it comes out. i just can't have it hanging around the house. i don't know if it's a boy or a girl, but i do have a pretty good idea who the father is, so you've got that. it should be in good running condition, as we're going to the doctor's appointments when they tell us to and i'm pretty healthy. i'm willing to quit smoking and drinking for the duration of the pregnancy if you'll just promise to take it off my uterus after i do the birthing and whatnot. so, i don't know, $5? let me know!"

um, hel-fucking-lo!?!?!

glaxosmithklein seem to think that maybe their little pill that's supposed to make you not so depressed might increase suicide attempts in "some young adults" (read: those prone to suicde (most) and already on the drug).

The studies of children and adolescents found mainly evidence of suicidal thinking and agitation. There were no completed suicides reported.
(cause you can't say "successful suicides")

hey, alanis, THIS is ironic.

SIDE EFFECTS: stomach aches, headaches, dry mouth, dizziness, feeling of utter hopelessness.

benefit of the doubt time (because here at bor we look at all sides of the story):

"It's not clear that the drug caused the behavior," she said.

it might just be that all the people they tested were already depressed suicidal.

11 May 2006



via gothamist

go internet, go!

this video is of a comedian doing the history of dance, starting with elvis. it's 6 minutes long, and it's fantastic. esp since the dude is actually a really good dancer. props to the inclusion of one of the best dance moves ever, "the sprinkler" and for his interpretation of "tubthumping"

(via boingboing)

see also: the torn mime

boingboing is the latest site to link to the brian eno/david byrne rmiy option. they've given us the freedom to sample, mix and generally fuck with the whole two songs off the record.

the last picture show

i used to live pretty close to the movie theatre on flatbush at 7th ave. it always had kinda shitty movies about a month after their original release date, but i wanted to see something there nonetheless. one day, though, it closed without warning and i added yet one more thing to the list of "things that i just won't ever get to do", like see radiohead play 'let down' live (which it seems they might be doing on this tour, but i couldn't get tickets *sigh*).

anyhoo, curbed says that it's reopened as an american apparel. i can't say i'm sad that an aa is in the 'hood, although it's not much, if at all, closer than the new one on smith street, but i really did want to see a movie in that theatre... :(

anyway, if i make it to broxy's birthday party at soda tonight, perhaps i will be able to give it a once-over.

(rh link via Stereogum)

the perfect fruit

i've always said, you don't eat a mango, you make out with it. and clearly indians agree:

How to eat a mango, presented in a three-part mime. She first holds out a cupped hand, in which sits the imaginary glistening orange oval of a whole peeled mango; she then deftly flicks her hand at the wrist to propel the phantom mango against her mouth, which gets busy sucking the flesh down to the seed; finally, outrageously, she deploys the full length of her tongue to lick her arm, elbow to wrist, to recapture an inevitable trickle of invisible mango juice.

it also seems that george II likes mangoes enough to trade them for nuclear technology. i'm not so sure i'm into this one. but mangoes are fucking good.

The Indian wing of DHL even offers a courier service specifically for mangoes, although the
United States has long been absent from its list of destinations because of its ban on Indian mangoes. But the ban should soon be lifted as part of a deal struck by President Bush on his March visit to the country, which will also give India easier access to nuclear technology.

10 May 2006

i am the bonb!!!

i sent my mom this flower thingy for mother's day. and because i'm cheap, i had it delivered today for and extra $10 off. mom likes to get the cards and the gifts and whatnot, so i try my best to remember important occasions. usually i forget. but this time i came through, and i was rewarded with this im only moments ago:

moms: I got my Mother's Day Gift. Thanks. I love it... You are the bonb!!!!Love ya!

the meeting: episode three

today we instituted the new 2pm meeting time. this is not as good as the 3 pm meeting time, but there is nothing i can do about it.

as i told you last week, we were all about cinnabon for this week's bribe snack. there is a cinnabon at the citigroup center on lexington. randy randy and i walked over to pick up some warm, delicious, gooey, nice-smelling, finger-adhesing, fantastic cinnabons. for those of you familiar with citicenter, there are big signs telling you what's inside all along the outside of the buidling.
"barnes & noble!", "houston's", "city sports", "cinnabon!", they proclaim joyously, beconing one and all to enter, have his or her bag scanned, and take part in the consumer mardi gras that lies within!

so in we went, randy randy and i both drooling over dirty thoughts about icing. i asked the security guard where the cinnabon was and he cooly said to me, "that's so over". "what?" i said. "but there's a giant sign on the outside of the building trumpeting its existence in here". "that's been gone for YEARS," said he, smiling, "here's STARwich, it used to be right here. scan your bag and come inside, you'll like it in here". "hm," said i and looked at randy randy. "what the hell are we gonna do now?" "there's dunkin' donuts," sr. security offered helpfully. little did he know i'd got munchins for the last meeting and i was NOT the kind of person who shows up with the same snack twice in a row. plus, i really wanted a fucking cinnamon roll.

we left the citicenter and i redirected us to au bon ex-pain-sive (sorry), where we got a cinnamon roll and a apple danish (not so great, but satisfying).

we did, despite only being three today, get something real accomplished at this meeting. perhaps they were a good idea after all!


how come when i copy something that's 12 pt. courier new in one document and paste it into another document that's 12pt. courier new, it somehow converts to 10pt. courier new? ms word operates outside the rules of logic!

ok, another thing outside the rules of logic is the seriously sweet offerings on aol music this week. not only is the new snow patrol on offer (meh) but you can also hear the new (and last) grandaddy (which you will immediatly want to purchase), the stills, elf power and black heart procession. seriously, i never, ever, EVER thought i'd be listening to bhp on fucking aol. weird. check 'em out!

09 May 2006

go figure

i just randomly took this test to find out what city i should live in and i was surprisingly surprised when it told me london. fuck. why did i leave? of course, it was like five questions...

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern.
A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock.
A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything.
No wonder you and London will get along so well.

it's a gas gas gas

clearly i don't drive frequently, but a lot of people out there do, and you should know how to maximise your gas mileage.

turns out you should use that cruise control and you should not let you car idle very long (drive thrus, i'm looking at you!)

(via lifehacker)

also, someone i know did his own little test...

08 May 2006

what'cha doin'? you bored?

read this wonderful article all about beer.

guess what? i had an interview today

unfortunately, i sort of, how you say, "forgot all about it" this morning when i was gettting dressed. i'll say i do look fairly presentable, oxford and black trousers, but had i remembered the hair would have been slightly more shevled and i might have opted for earrings, maybe some mascara...

it went OK, but that moment on the subway this morning when i remembered...not my favorite way to start the day.

we interrupt this post

i've been ever-so-slowly writing a riveting post about what i did friday night, but this news is simply too important to wait:

people in the lunchroom are outraged that the NYTimes stopped its television booklet in the weekend paper.

i noticed the note this morning that said something to the effect of: 'we're not wasting money making you a free tv guide anymore. we'll print your daily tv listings in the daily paper, but if you need to sit down and circle stuff to watch, you're SOL here'. of course, this had little if any bearing on me as i was just wondering a couple weeks ago why they still print one -- you can look shit up on the internet. from work.

why waste valuable time at home doing something when you can do it on the job?

the books love bocce too!

it's been quite a number of years since i actively celebrated cinco de mayo. growing up in atlanta it was a pretty big deal. frankie's at the prado would have a huge party in the parking lot that was notoriously lenient on underage drinkers, although this never held much appeal to me. the point is, in atlanta, everyone does mexican food on cinco de mayo and that's just that.

this year i reinstituted this tradition by meeting up with xx and the teacher contingency at paquitos in the east village. it was crowded and the bar was so backed up some people waited upwards of 45 minutes for margaritas (somehow my own, a delicious mango margarita, arrived within 15, joyful!). we heard the table behind us bitching about waiting 1.5 hours for their food, which probably sucked for them. xx and i both got some sort of diet taco (it was the cheapest thing on the menu) but as far as i could tell the only thing diet about it was the lack of cheese. guacamole, for instance, OK for diet taco. sour cream? check. rice? sure! but cheese? you get out of here cheese. it came on a whole wheat tortilla, so i guess that makes it diet, too.

we went over and met the jensenator and meyers at 122 and we l-trained to wburg.

here's where i tell you i'm not very smart. i've been to galapagos about seven times. i've walked all around williamsburg three or four times. never did i realize that northsix is like right next to galapagos.

anyway, i like northsix ok, but i won't be running back. it's hot and it's in williamsburg. and pbrs are $4.

the opener was a violinist with some electro-backup. not bad, but nothing i'd ever think of listening to again. he did have some really cool footage of the subway crossing the brooklyn bridge back in the day. i had no idea it even used to do that...

anyway, the books were, yet again, very enjoyable. there was a very long involved story about someone spilling salsa on his brand new jeans and someone else getting cassette tapes thrown at his "hairdo". i was also pleased to see shots of bocce and shots of ducks from under the water (again affirming my reincarnation plans) as part of the visuals.

speaking of bocce, i spent this entire weekend at floyd. ok, not really. but saturday xx and i watched the ky derby there with coach d'ball and bonnaroo. they were selling $5 bets where you pick a piece of paper out of a cup and that tells you who you've bet on. i like this better than actually betting. i still lost. (damn you, keyed entry.)

after 1 ben & jerry's 'mango & more' smoothie (which, btw, tasted suspiciously like strawberry and banana), which i'd had the bartender doctor with a shot of rum; and three buckets of some of the nastiest beer ever (piels? schmitz? we were fighting over the pbr and miller hi life), bonnaroo took one sip and said "tastes like college", i took one sip and said "tastes like yesterday"; xx and i took on bonnaroo and coach dodgeball in a friendly bocce match. we lost, but barely.

i had nothing left and we bussed it home at about 930.

which means floyd and i spent a full 14 hours apart. the maj, xx and i returned sunday morning for the first round of bocce finals. the schwartz, coach dball and bonnaroo were there for a rousing victory. as coach dball said, "it was as if the other team didn't show up at all". but a win is a win. and we live to bocce another day.

the rest of the day was spent wandering around smith/court street. despite my saying to xx "let's remember to not go to the Yacht club after bocce", bonnaroo, coach dball, xx and i swung by at 1 only to find it wasn't open yet. luckily, we stumbled upon a street fair which easily killed 50 minutes, at which point we returned to the gyc and hung out there for the bulk of the afternoon.

jensenator got the dodgeball -- now that i think more about it, the d'ball's sort of like that giant batman light that says "I'm drinking, come join me!" xx and i remet up with the maj at his place for a bbq.

xx and i had managed to convince a caterer to sell us one of his decorative bottles of mae ploy, and we decided to try it with everything. verdict: mae ploy can be put on hot dogs, veggie dogs, potato salad, upstairs lady curry and meat rolls.

jensenator set to work grilling up some steaks, but i held off since they had been partially open for over a week and were looking a little gray... i hope he survived.

finally: awesome west wing, crappy grey's anatomy.

tell me, why can't every day be sunday?

05 May 2006

tom, tom, tom, why do you hurt me so?

lucy just myspaced me and since i responded immediately and found her still online i clicked the "chat" option and was granted the following chilling message:

The IM is busted. It's not working. It is going to take a few weeks to fix. I will post an announcement when its fixed. -Tom

it's fixed, tom IT'S. WHY?! you got it right in the second sentence!

i've been hangin' 'round this barroom, i can wait

after a quick drink with snoop majjy maj at the delancey, lucy met up with me and we headed over to bowery ballroom for Hem (ms) and Josh Ritter (ms). obviously we are thrilled to return to bowery ballroom. (which i will miss once again because of that brilliant relocation of the upcoming national show to, you guessed it, webster fucking hall.)

so i've been a little obsessed with the hem song "
dance with me, now darling" (you kinda have to jiggle the handle on this link, but it does work) since old west river put it on the super fantastic birthday 'porch music' mix, and i've been listenting to "rabbit songs" and "eveningland" quite a bit lately. dance with me is for sure one of the shining stars of eveningland, and rabbit songs isn't quite as likeable for me, so i wasn't really certain what kind of show to expect from these guys, but they did nothing but impress.

sally's voice is strong, clear and vulnerable, and the 7 other cats onstage created such an overwhelmingly full sound it was like a wind blowing at you. a pleasant, refreshing wind. or maybe that was the aircon. they did not play "dance with me" which made me sad, but they did cover "rainy night in georgia" which is a surefire way to win me back. they are far better live then their albums would ever let you imagine. long live alt-country (how come no-one calls it 'alt-cunt"?)

josh ritter, on the other hand, was not what i was hoping for. "
girl in the war" is a plucky, upbeat (at least tunewise) little ditty that makes it fun to walk down the street. i knew he'd open with it, but i didn't know he was gonna turn it into a dirge. whatever. he lost me at "peter said to paul". lucy and i paid vague attention for about 5 more songs, first upstairs where we couldn't see, then on the stairs until we got kicked off and finally downstairs where we couldn't see. we left before he finished his set. still, i am a big fan of The Animal Years.

west river is going to tonight's show, so if he gets 'dance with me' i get to beat him up.

i am headed, once again and for the first time, to see the books at northsix.

the real tragedy here is there's no daily show tonight

Patrick Kennedy. daddy must be so proud.

Representative Patrick J. Kennedy crashed his car into a traffic barrier on Capitol Hill in the early morning hours on Thursday. He said he was apparently disoriented because he had been taking Ambien, the sleeping pill, and another medication.

when did vodka get categorized as "medication"? j/k!! haha

04 May 2006

cherry blossoms, fried clams, apple turnovers

sunday guillaume and i'd decided to get a zip car and drive to city island. saturday guillaume called and told me the exciting news that we had a convertible mini! hooray!

xx and i were really not feeling into the gym sunday morning, so instead we walked over to the brooklyn botanic garden for the cherry blossom festival. in a word: crowded. we were there at like 1130 and there were people everywhere. the whole blossoms thing was really
nice...petals floating on the wind and such, but the crowds destroyed any sense of tranquility the bbg originally set out to create.

xx and i immediately set out for the food tent, because as we all know, this is the most important thing about festivals, street fairs, etc. we joyously noted the presence of beer, and sorrowfully realized that we both had to leave to get to other stuff and would therefore not have time to indulge. then we wondered why so few people were drinking beer. after all, it was in the high 60s, sunny, and there was beer available. it wasn't until, oh, monday or tuesday night that i realized perhaps the reason people weren't drinking massive quanitities of beer was that it was, in fact, 1130 in the morning. whatever.

guillaume picked me up and we raced up the bqe to the bronx. city island is supposed to be this quaint little fishing village in the middle of the bronx, so it wasn't much of a surprise when it turned out to be a quaint little fishing village in the middle of the bronx. i saw a place called the "black whale" that looked good for brunch, but the smell of fried everything wafting out of sammy's fish box erased all thoughts of eating anywhere else. sammy's is a lot like the places in coney island, specifically it's like nathan's, but with mostly seafood. they have tons of seafood--clams, oysters, fish, lobster, crab, etc., prepared in various ways. plus corn on the cob, coleslaw, fries (not v. good) and lots of fruity drinks that looked like fun (non-alcoholic). oh, and beer. yeah.

guillaume and i split an order of fantastically fried clams, which we ate outside in the outdoor dinning room. picnic benches and lots of other people. they have wires above the whole thing which guillaume decided was for keeping away birds. especially since there were gazillions of seagulls all around, but they never came into the dining area. i think he was right.

after that, we hopped back in the mini and drove around some of the island. it's pretty small, and full of dead ends, so although it's a pain in the ass to get to without a car, it's probably more fun to explore on foot, but what do i know. it's pretty damn fun from a convertible mini, too. the houses are old. it sorta looks like a super crowded version of martha's vineyard...

we were almost out of the island when we both spotted the bakery: sugar & spice...home of the BEST apple turnover i've ever had. if you're one of those people who knows that americans are apparently incapable of making a croissant the right way, it's worth your time & effort to get to this place. they do it right. i'm pretty sure there was a pound of butter in there. the filling was very clearly homemade, too, but not too undercooked as can be the case. oh, god. delish!

so, get yourself a zipcar, or a friend's car, or take the subway/bus combination to city island. here's a
list of restaurants.

after that, we buzzed around orchard beach, which is seriously unnerving. guillaume and i kept saying to each other, "we're in the bronx, dude". cause you wouldn't know to look at it. we went on a mini hike and saw lots of dudes (and some dudettes) fishing.

all in all, it was sort of an idiotically springy day. especially since i followed it all up at jensenator's bbq.

all your summer songs

fresh off the lily from yesterday, jerry's got a real nice mix of tunes. you can hear most of them (out of order but all at once) here.

the standout here is surely the
stills' "oh shoplifter". lester gave me "retour a vega" a while ago and i love love loved it, but nothing else i heard of theirs really piqued my interest. until now. for those of you in the 79degree city of new york, this is just the song to get you riled up for your afternoon cocktails. i know i'm running downtown to hit a roofdeck come 530---or maybe 515...

also, check out the sam champion mp3s on jerry or hype machine. these guys loooooved pavement. oh, lord. any song with a chorus of "and i'm too broke to go and get drunk" has won me over. that jerry really knows what he's doing.

03 May 2006

meeting #2

clocked in at just over 45 minutes.
munchkins were served.
something was actually accomplished!

next week: cinnabon! (it just became clear to me that i'm actually baiting myself to these meetings with food)

i know some of you out there are upset about my lack of artistry of late, but believe it or not, i do have some work to do these days. anyway, stay tuned for the riveting story of last sunday's visits to the cherry blossom festival and city island and monday's adventure at LQ and soda.

for now, via jerry (which was via heartonastick, which was in turn via TMFTML), i bring you lily. i've always been fond of the name lily, but it turns out this one can make the kind of tunes that make you want to drink outside...as if you need any convincing.

cheryl tweedy
knock em out

LDN, for various reasons, is my favorite. reminds me of everyone spilling out onto the pavements outside of pubs after work. *sigh*

also, stereogum has the mp3 for the zero 7/jose gonzales track "futures" KEXP have been playing this a lot, and i really like it. for more, hype machine zero 7. it seems like jose's been spending a lot of time with them, and it's a great combination.

01 May 2006

how it comes to pass that i, wild cherry sara, hater of all things applebees, end up at an applebees

friday night's plan:

meet xx at mj's on the way home.
get some drinks.
go to southpaw for John Vanderslice show *swoon*. (here's a video for 'trance manual'. i don't get it.)
take subway to battery park regal cinema for 1159pm showing of "air guitar nation".

friday night:

met xx at mj's
wandered aimlessly through east village wondering if we should grab a drink at lunasa or food at chickpea or just go back to park slope.
arrived park slope.
wandered aimlessly through park slope trying to decide where to eat.
realized maybe we should get to southpaw cause it's 9.
see 1.5 opening bands (page france, who i really enjoyed, somewhere near band of horses/the long winters/b&s; and some other band that sucked)
left before JV went on stage at 11, because we'd never make it otherwise (originally, doors had been listed, at least in my head, at 7. in reality, however, doors were at 8, meaning that although i forgot i had tickets to JV when i originally decided to go to AGN, when i remembered and decided i could easily make it to both, i was wrong.)
took a cab to le cite because i remembered courtlandt street was closed and could no longer be arsed.
arrived BPC 1045, noted 1130 line-up time (tribeca film festival stylee), noted need/time for beer.
noted severe lack of drinking establishments.
noted existence of applebees neighborhood grill & bar.
noted frustration.
entered applebees.
drank at applebees.
looked around applebees.
wondered what the hell kind of people actually enjoy going to and dining/drinking at applebees.
repeated the phrase "what the fuck are we doing at applebees? why does this place even exist?"
1140: called jonny 5.
jonny 5 was asleep, and clearly not going to make it to the city in time
1143: called the jensenator, who was at work. told him in no uncertain terms to leave now, because i didn't want to miss the movie waiting outside for his ass.
luckily someone agreed to hold jensenator's ticket for him and i went inside. he didn't show up until after the movie started and we didn't see him until after it ended. turned out he was sitting next to anthony rapp.
lamented coming home at 245am and being sober.

a to the motherfucking k, homeboy

wow, haven't thought of that song in a WHILE...

i am proud to announce the birth of a new baby blog: alexandkaren. they like a lot of the same stuff i do: eating, drinking, brooklyn, making fun of stupid things, ice cream. i urge you to visit them.

welcome to the blogosphere, homies!