it's a bocce bocce bocce bocce world

saturday started bright and early with a pre-playoff workout. i walked over to floyd, ready to play game two of the playoffs. we were up against the sweet meats, a team we've faced on many occasions in the past and were hoping to beat.

floyd shows footie on the weekends and there were about 150 brits when we got there. these were truly some of the rudest english people i've ever seen, and i've watched footie at pubs in london. when the lights went on over the court, one particularly raucous ogre-type threw a bit of a hissy. for reasons i don't particularly understand, the head of the sweet meats was all "well, we can play with the lights off, right?" to be honest, he looked a little worried. so we played with the lights down low.

but the fun didn't stop there, the west ham and liverpool fans figured that a bocce game didn't really hold prevalance over them having a clear path to and from the toilets. with zero regard for either of the teams, drunken boys used the court as their personal yellow-brick road. this was, as you might imagine, intensly irritating.

despite all these factors working against us, along with being a pared-down team of only me, the schwartz, bonnaroo and coach dodgeball, we gave the sweet meats a talking to. we smoked them 7-0 in the first game and 7-2 in the second. yeah, biatch.

the rest of the day was wiled away with food and more drinks, including a "baci" at bar toto, in honor of the playoffs. that night, xx, bonnaroo, coach d'ball, jonny 5, shwags, the jensenator and others descended upon the magician to celebrate (i guess) the maj's bon voyage. she is deserting us for like 8 months or something. luckily, i'll see her in delhi in 1.5 months.

a failed attempt at karaoke led us to three of cups, where we ran into a very, very, very drunk girl who was just turned thirty and was clearly thrilled about it. she might have had a little crush on xx. that or xx was conveniently located for all of this chick's anti-balancing act. we were sitting by her bag of gifts and such and she came over and uttered something to the effect of "i just don't know you guys and my stuff is over there and i don't know you". why they'd abandoned the whole area and the presents is beyond me, but for some reason our up-until-then well behaved group decided to rumage through the bag. i put on a pair of those ugly plastic clogs, jensenator tried on what was clearly a woman's jacket.

sunday the four of us, plus xx for moral and photographic support, were at floyd again by 1pm. this time we played nototious B.R.F. a nice team of ladies with a name i don't understand. we beat them, too, but i'll be damned if i can remember the scores.

then the break of death. it was about 2 and our next game was at 5. we all decided to ease up on the drinking and hang around and watch the games. we saw the coffee flat terrors get creamed by the old dirty barristers, and boccelism beat, uh, someone. things were decidedly low-key. xx pointed out that we usually sit in the front of the bar where more sunlight comes in, and so the fact that we were toward the back all day might have accounted for the complete sluggishness that set in just after lunch.

the reason we weren't sitting at the front is because there was a christening party in the front. yep, a whole swarm of WASPS in kakhis and spring dresses took up the front part of the bar. their kids loved the bocce. unfortunately, they loved being on the court whilst we were playing, which isn't so cool with me. one of notorious B.R.F. very politely asked the mom to get her kid off the clay, and that solved that problem. i was glad, cause i know i wouldn't have been quite so diplomatic. anyway, these creatures brought tons of food. they looked like they were at some sort of croquet party, only they were in a dark bar at 2 in the afternoon. it was totally weird.

the schwartz was about to take off for a mother's day dinner, and the maj showed up just in time to take over. schwartz and i rolled the first game against boccelism, which they took 7-1. maj and i were in it to win it for the second game. bonnaroo and coach d'ball were on FIRE. i had two really awesome rolls, but the rest weren't particularly productive. we came back to win 7-5. it came down to the third game, and, um. you see, what happened was i rolled, and the ball, having a mind of its own, did not do what i told it to do. instead it went and hit one of boccelism's balls closer to the pallino, giving them the win. whoops.

boccelism ended up taking the trophies in the end, although i snuck out for a cigarette and avoided the entire awards ceremony. i'm kind of a sore loser...

and so, we close the book on another season of rolling heavy balls down a court into a littler ball.

three cheers for watch your balls!!