toilet humor

our kitchen sink was leaking.

we, of course had no idea this was going on, or we might have done something about it before it started raining on our downstairs neighbors. so, when the landlords called to ask us if anything was leaking our initial response was "no". until we looked under the sink. "yes". due to an earlier leak, we'd put pie tins under both the tap valves (i have no idea if that's what they're really called), both of which were filled with disgusting water that would have soon supported new life.

our landlords are, um, not terribly bright guys, but they are usually very nice and helpful if there's a problem. long story short: they came by, fixed the leak and left. we weren't home whilst this was happening, so when i got home late saturday night and noticed there was no cold water, i had no idea why.

i figured i'd just call them first thing sunday, which i did. that and the following two calls by one of my roommates when unreturned (and are still as such). at first, it didn't seem to be a huge deal. i guessed that they would come by and check things out today, since they run a shop in the neighborhood. but this was before i decided i wanted to wash any dishes, or take a shower, or before the toilet ran out of water...

i'd gone to the gym thinking i would just shower there, but i'm too lazy for that. then i'd discussed meeting a friend at hers and showering there before brunch. lazy again. but by about 3 pm, when i realized i was too dirty to be in public and my roommate was starting to voice the need to evacuate his bowels, i called up my brunching best friend again. "we're coming over to use your bathroom". as usual, she acquiesed with grace and sincerity. and she has very nice towels. so i had a shower and my roommate did his thing.

then my friend and i went to see capote, which is really terrific. i left her at the theatre and went home wondering if i would need to use a toilet at all again that night--perhaps we can just go out for a drink and all use the toilet at the bar?--and hoping to god i wouldn't.

there was more bitching about the situation by my roommate when i got home. this, apparently, was his first run-in with new york landlords and their less-than-frantic way of approaching what was clearly (to us) an emergency. i explained to him the few days last year when we didn't have hot water, and i had to go to a friend's house. and the year before that when we had neither heat nor hot water and i had to go to a friend's house. and the year before that when i lived in the shithole on 7th when we didn't have heat or any kind of water and i had to go to a friend's house. (at this rate, i seem to be on my way to having no problems next year!)

for me, showering at someone else's house once a year or so because i have no water of one temperature or another is just something i've come to expect.

finally around 9 last night, just after the excruciating live west wing (jimmy smits was causing me massive strife with his bumbling lines), the rainstorm which brought forth the suggestion by my roommate of showering outside and by myself about just taking a dump on the sidewalk and before we watched the dvr'd mediocre-at-best simpson's and the amazingly fucked up family guy; my roommate, in a fit of disgust, got up from the couch and said, "that's it". he got down under the sink whilst i protested loudly (yelled?) and my other roommate sat back with a patient, quietly amused look on her face. i though surely nothing would come of it--those knobs under the sink are only for the sink, right?

but then, suddenly, the toilet sprang to life. i could hear every cold water pipe we had filling up with fresh, clear liquid--ready to quench our thirst, regulate the scalding hot water so we could wash dishes and shower and replenish the water supply in the toilet. and we rejoiced.