i'd probably dress up in you

Most people will find this unsettling at best, and downright get-your-xanax-on depressing at worst.

i hate pizza express. the fact that people go there never ceases to surprise or amuse me. best of all is when i imagine some dopey bloke taking a girl there for a first or second date. pizza express's main place in the world is for people who are about to get their first under-the-shirt, over-the-bra feel to go to on dates (and yes, i mean only teenagers should go there).

should we have the conversation about the fucking pizza with a fucking hole in it that's filled up with salad (probs full of disgusting rocket, no less), that's like the 'healthy' option? here's the thing, if you're gonna go get pizza, go get some motherfucking pizza. go quattro formaggi with extra cheese. put some bone marrow on that son of a bitch. when you choose to eat some food you love, even if you're watching your weight, eat it. don't get some pansy-ass half-witted version. that's dumb, and then, by association, you're dumb. dummy.

so much of the time, in order to enable pasta lunches and cheese parades and meats of all shapes and sizes (that sounded a bit wrong, didn't it?), i eat a boring salad for lunch. it's got all the healthy bits in it: spinach, mushrooms, cucumber, avocado, tomatoes, some grilled turkey. and it's important to me as a health-concious eater and as an american that i have an extremely wide range of salad dressing choices. and these choices should ALL have low-fat options. well, here in the weird, soggy, dark UK, we have full fat and like extra fat. you wouldn't believe how many of these things have a little red pie piece on the fat bit of the nutritional value. red! alarm! put this on your salad and you might as well have had a freaking burger!

yeah, i took a picture of the till at sainsbo's. what of it?

and it is for this reason that today i bought five bottles of, bizarrely, pizza express Light House Dressing. yes, while their pizzas are worthless, it turns out their salad dressing has the sort of hold over me that means i will go to like seven different sainsbury's/tesco outlets on a quest for it. and, since i didn't find it the first six times, i figured i'd better get while the gettin's good.

i have to apologise for the poor quality of the video with today's title link. normally i can find a more official one. the song is still fine, though.