it be cryin'; yeah, you thought it was rain

so here we are at christmas. not surprisingly, i've been drunk almost constantly since last week. chicago is a heavy eating and drinking town, and i indulged to the best of my abilities. that was followed by two leaving dos back in london and saturday i was pretty over being hungover. i also found evidence of a late night trip to burger king that reminded me i'd got on the tube, off at waterloo (where i procured said burger king) and then got into a cab from waterloo. so there is definitely the most idiotic voyage home of my life. except the time my flight to atlanta got diverted to maine. but that's for another day.

or is it? it was last christmas (just after i'd given you my heart, but before the very next day when you gave it away). we got onboard and the lady was like 'welcome to this delta airlines flight to atlanta, via bangor, maine'. i'm like 'oh funny joke! i bought a direct flight you mo'fos'. anyway, the whole thing was we have to land cause half the crew were off sick and you can't fly for more than eight hours without a new pilot or some shit so we had to pick up a new pack of yo yos to get us the whole way there.

i mean i would have just been like 'yo, ill take a long shift dudes, let's just get the fuck home', and the flight attendants really shouldnt have cared cause there were about 14 people on my flight. anyway, we stopped, we refueled, we got some new peeps onboard and then we taxied out to the run way.

it is at THIS POINT. not some EARLIER POINT ON THE FLIGHT that they say 'we have some paperwork to handle and have to go back to the gate'. you hardly have to be a frequent flier to know that paperwork never means anything but 'mechanical issues we dont want to talk about' or 'there may or may not me a terrorist on board'. in this case it must have been the latter because the guys who had been looking suspiciously like sky marshalls throughout the flight unveiled their shields (ooh la, la) and escorted this dude off the plane. then some puppies came on board and sniffed around everywhere. in case you're wondering if this feels massively unnerving, it does.

anyway we took off again and then all the women (inc yours truly) piled on one side of the plane to gossip about what may or may not have happened. we decided it was drugs, since otherwise i suspect we might not have made it all the way to maine.

today we aim for a less traumatic journey as we head up to razberet's parents' for more food and drink than i want to think about. merry christmas, all y'all!