i like it when the article does the work for me:
Doctors stress the woman will not look like her donor, but nor will she look like she did before the attack - instead she will have a "hybrid" face.
and earlier, when i had a similar reaction.
thank god jasmine the rotweiller didn't get me or i'd be up for one of these, too.
30 November 2005
almost a week late and a dollar short
Q: Cinnamon or nutmeg?
A: Cinnamon is a nice spice people are comfortable consuming throughout the year, sprinkled either on toast or in a delicious coffee beverage. Nutmeg is a nasty, gritty substance that wants nothing to do with us in the spring or summer but demands our favor come November, only to disappear to the back of the shelf for another year. Why do we continue to accommodate this so-called seasoning? Nutmeg is a stupid jerk.
mcsweeney's butterball help-line help-line
and also, the new yorker cartoons in progress.
A: Cinnamon is a nice spice people are comfortable consuming throughout the year, sprinkled either on toast or in a delicious coffee beverage. Nutmeg is a nasty, gritty substance that wants nothing to do with us in the spring or summer but demands our favor come November, only to disappear to the back of the shelf for another year. Why do we continue to accommodate this so-called seasoning? Nutmeg is a stupid jerk.
mcsweeney's butterball help-line help-line
and also, the new yorker cartoons in progress.
hold on to that feeyeeyeelin'
do youself a massive favor and have a chuckle with vice's don'ts.
now is a good time to mention that not too long ago, for no reason whatsoever, my roommates and i had a 2/3 of us are sober, unaccompanied karaoke night, during which "don't stop believin'" and "livin' on a prayer" were both grotesquely mutilated.
now is a good time to mention that not too long ago, for no reason whatsoever, my roommates and i had a 2/3 of us are sober, unaccompanied karaoke night, during which "don't stop believin'" and "livin' on a prayer" were both grotesquely mutilated.
strange things are afoot at the circle K
i came out of the subway at the NYPL and thought it was weird that there were a bunch of people in yellow hats with yellow flags. then i thought it was weird when i saw that these yellow hats and flags were for some nascar event. i further thought it was wierd when i passed the waldorf-astoria and there was a HUGE YELLOW FLAG with nascar written on it hanging off the front. what a shameful day for the waldorf: flags of world nations replaced by the flag of the redneck nation. its maids are walking around with their heads hung. then further up park, was another group of people with the yellow hats and flags and whatnot, apparently waiting for some nascar cars to make thier "victory lap" and park in front of a building.
so there's your nascar news round-up.
so there's your nascar news round-up.
29 November 2005
randy cohen's a bit pervy
this week's sunday times magazine's ethicist has a blurb about some dumb bitch who went to get her eyebrows tweezed and is annoyed because the beautician told her she didn't really need to have it done and promptly charged her 25 smackers to tweeze four hairs. randy gets a little randy in his answer:
when the beautician told you that you shouldn't have anything done, that was your cue to say: "Thank you for the advice. In that case, I won't be needing your services." You then stand up, tip her generously, put your clothes back on -- did she have you undress? the dipilatory world is alien to me -- and leave.
oh, randy. i don't care how foreign the dipilatory world is to you. under what circumstances outside of your own very active imagination, would someone need to take her clothes off to have her eyebrows tweezed?
this is not some movie where the beautician accidently spills hot wax on the patroness's shirt, and the first reaction is to just take it off and smear hot wax all over the rest of her so she matches.
tsk, tsk, randy. not so ethical, are you?
and i still don't think "building stories" is funny.
when the beautician told you that you shouldn't have anything done, that was your cue to say: "Thank you for the advice. In that case, I won't be needing your services." You then stand up, tip her generously, put your clothes back on -- did she have you undress? the dipilatory world is alien to me -- and leave.
oh, randy. i don't care how foreign the dipilatory world is to you. under what circumstances outside of your own very active imagination, would someone need to take her clothes off to have her eyebrows tweezed?
this is not some movie where the beautician accidently spills hot wax on the patroness's shirt, and the first reaction is to just take it off and smear hot wax all over the rest of her so she matches.
tsk, tsk, randy. not so ethical, are you?
and i still don't think "building stories" is funny.
doves are just white pigeons
there's a door to the stairwell in my office. for some reason, this door also leads to a tiny, fenced-in something or other that goes outside. basically, you open this door and there it a 13-story drop, defended by chain-link. pigeons seem to like to hang out in this little area, but it seems that they're sorta getting stuck in the chain-link and it pulls their feathers off. then their feathers blow under the door and into the lobby of the office. and today, somehow, they made it all the way down the hall of one side of the office.
in short: there are disease- and insect-ridden pigeon feathers on the floor all over the office today.
UPDATE: there is now a large clump of disease- and insect-ridden feathers rolling back and forth in the elevator bank.
in short: there are disease- and insect-ridden pigeon feathers on the floor all over the office today.
UPDATE: there is now a large clump of disease- and insect-ridden feathers rolling back and forth in the elevator bank.
open letter to the guy at the gym
when you wear a princeton t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and a pair of cornell basketball shorts, you look like a well-connected date-rapist.
even the mta hates the mta
with a strike looming, the mta is really doing all it can to satisfy its employees:
combining the conductor and the driver into "subway operator" (it's like employees at subway sandwiches who are "sandwich artists")
having booth people/"customer assistance agents" (those dorks in the maroon vests) do a little tidying up, i. e., dust and wipe down the booths, empty trash cans and do other "cleaning functions" ha! cleaning functions. like cleaning urine and feces and semen off the platforms!! yeah!
and there'll be stricter rules concerning sick leave and less substantial health care and pension benefits for future employees; apparently, if you call in sick for the MTA, you might be visited at home in order to check and make sure you're actually sick and not just going to six flags...bummer.
i'm sure no one will end up satisfied at the end of this, least of all those of us who ride the mta daily.
the post seems to think everything will be fine.
and the daily news is pretty sure everything's gonna suck ass.
combining the conductor and the driver into "subway operator" (it's like employees at subway sandwiches who are "sandwich artists")
having booth people/"customer assistance agents" (those dorks in the maroon vests) do a little tidying up, i. e., dust and wipe down the booths, empty trash cans and do other "cleaning functions" ha! cleaning functions. like cleaning urine and feces and semen off the platforms!! yeah!
and there'll be stricter rules concerning sick leave and less substantial health care and pension benefits for future employees; apparently, if you call in sick for the MTA, you might be visited at home in order to check and make sure you're actually sick and not just going to six flags...bummer.
i'm sure no one will end up satisfied at the end of this, least of all those of us who ride the mta daily.
the post seems to think everything will be fine.
and the daily news is pretty sure everything's gonna suck ass.
28 November 2005
apparently movies are fake
a fark round up
the supreme court is falling apart. you decide whether i mean literally or figuratively.
phallic nation.
people are stupid.
people are stupid. (anyone else catch Nature last night? and forgive me, but there's a palestinian zoo? and arabic speaking parrots!!! al-qaeda should be all up in that if they knew what was good for them)
hippies in mass. are burning wood to stay warm.
have a giant bottle of pbr you don't know what to do with? c'mon, kids, send it to w'burg.
phallic nation.
people are stupid.
people are stupid. (anyone else catch Nature last night? and forgive me, but there's a palestinian zoo? and arabic speaking parrots!!! al-qaeda should be all up in that if they knew what was good for them)
hippies in mass. are burning wood to stay warm.
have a giant bottle of pbr you don't know what to do with? c'mon, kids, send it to w'burg.
and that's a pretty nice haircut!
ok, so i am lazy as hell when it comes to cutting my hair. generally, i just don't think about it. but then one day i'll wake up and be completely focused, determined - nay - obsessively driven to get a haircut. this happened a week or so ago, so by last friday, the dam was bursting. i went to a place next to the gym and told her to cut it as much as she needed in order to get rid of all the fried hair at the bottom.
i rarely pay attention to a haircut when i leave a salon, because they're always dumping a lot of shit in your hair and i know it'll never really look like that because i don't have the patience to "do" my hair very often. so, despite the fact that i was sporting florence henderson's haircut, i didn't really think much of it.
but the next day, after i washed it and looked like a cross between a mushroom and a nascar fan, i realized i could not have this. i could not.
so i went to another place and regailed them with my tale of woe and they promised to fix it. and fix it they did. and now, i have very little hair, but i like it much better than looking like mrs. brady.
UPDATE: according to some shit on gawker, this haircut may or may not be referred to as a "femullet". use of this word within 10 meters of me is not advised.
i rarely pay attention to a haircut when i leave a salon, because they're always dumping a lot of shit in your hair and i know it'll never really look like that because i don't have the patience to "do" my hair very often. so, despite the fact that i was sporting florence henderson's haircut, i didn't really think much of it.
but the next day, after i washed it and looked like a cross between a mushroom and a nascar fan, i realized i could not have this. i could not.
so i went to another place and regailed them with my tale of woe and they promised to fix it. and fix it they did. and now, i have very little hair, but i like it much better than looking like mrs. brady.
UPDATE: according to some shit on gawker, this haircut may or may not be referred to as a "femullet". use of this word within 10 meters of me is not advised.
leftovers
the 2:03 train was jammed, and i barely made it on anyway. things cleared up around jamaica and i got a seat. i was that annoying person standing in the aisle, hitting people with a backpack and yacking on a cellphone for a while. i was terribly self-conscious about it, until i realized it was a loud, packed train and they could bite me.
when i arrived at my aunt & uncle's house, my uncle was deeply engrossed in an a&e special about conjoined twins (i guess siamese isn't allowed anymore) who are attached at the forehead. they are 37 years old and one of them (the less-developed one who sits on a high chair sort of thing with wheels on) is a country singer. they have a music video. for all intents and purposes, my "welcome to your family's for thanksgiving" was a country music video by a siamese twin who is on a high chair with wheels on. the other twin kindly bops up and down to the ditty.
i decided this was an opportune time for me to start a fire, a) because i am a pyro, b) because it's one of my favorite fireplaces, and c) because, to be honest, the twin thing was freaking me out a little.
just as the flames got going, a&e's programming went to an "investigative reports" about murder on the rails. i love hobos, so the first part was awesome. talking to old hobos about their lives on the rails, eating beans out of cans and whatnot. then they started talking about some of the sick fucks who murder hobos by knocking them out and putting them on the tracks so they get sliced in half. sweet. but i love hobos and fires, so i was still pretty stoked.
then there was the part at dinner on weds, when my aunt asked my uncle if he'd brought all his guns in. my uncle is a hunter, and a pretty conscientious gun owner, but still, "did you put all your guns away" is a weird thing for me to hear at the dinner table.
at one point, i was sitting with my aunt & uncle's rotweiller puppy on my lap and she seemed to be getting a little pissy. do not let the word "puppy" fool you. there was no way i could move with this lump on my lap. she's a nipper, but nothing dangerous, but that didn' matter when she decided to play-bite my cheek. i yelled and my uncle sprang to life from his nap and grabbed her off me. she didn't break the skin, but i nearly shit myself. i mean, she is a rotweiller and she did try to bite my face off. we made amends, though, apparently she gets more bitey when she needs to take a shit, so i guess i'm lucky she tried to bite me rather than use me as a toilet...
other than that, thanksgiving was pretty uneventful. we watched a lot of blues clues, which i seemed to be the most engrossed by, even though they got rid of steve.
i came back to brooklyn thursday night and began one of the laziest stretches of my life. i did manage to get to the gym every day, and we finished recording the voices for the next project and i bought some tofu scallion cream cheese.
when i arrived at my aunt & uncle's house, my uncle was deeply engrossed in an a&e special about conjoined twins (i guess siamese isn't allowed anymore) who are attached at the forehead. they are 37 years old and one of them (the less-developed one who sits on a high chair sort of thing with wheels on) is a country singer. they have a music video. for all intents and purposes, my "welcome to your family's for thanksgiving" was a country music video by a siamese twin who is on a high chair with wheels on. the other twin kindly bops up and down to the ditty.
i decided this was an opportune time for me to start a fire, a) because i am a pyro, b) because it's one of my favorite fireplaces, and c) because, to be honest, the twin thing was freaking me out a little.
just as the flames got going, a&e's programming went to an "investigative reports" about murder on the rails. i love hobos, so the first part was awesome. talking to old hobos about their lives on the rails, eating beans out of cans and whatnot. then they started talking about some of the sick fucks who murder hobos by knocking them out and putting them on the tracks so they get sliced in half. sweet. but i love hobos and fires, so i was still pretty stoked.
then there was the part at dinner on weds, when my aunt asked my uncle if he'd brought all his guns in. my uncle is a hunter, and a pretty conscientious gun owner, but still, "did you put all your guns away" is a weird thing for me to hear at the dinner table.
at one point, i was sitting with my aunt & uncle's rotweiller puppy on my lap and she seemed to be getting a little pissy. do not let the word "puppy" fool you. there was no way i could move with this lump on my lap. she's a nipper, but nothing dangerous, but that didn' matter when she decided to play-bite my cheek. i yelled and my uncle sprang to life from his nap and grabbed her off me. she didn't break the skin, but i nearly shit myself. i mean, she is a rotweiller and she did try to bite my face off. we made amends, though, apparently she gets more bitey when she needs to take a shit, so i guess i'm lucky she tried to bite me rather than use me as a toilet...
other than that, thanksgiving was pretty uneventful. we watched a lot of blues clues, which i seemed to be the most engrossed by, even though they got rid of steve.
i came back to brooklyn thursday night and began one of the laziest stretches of my life. i did manage to get to the gym every day, and we finished recording the voices for the next project and i bought some tofu scallion cream cheese.
23 November 2005
did anyone else notice
random observations from the last 18 hours or so:
they slipped CYHSY into the office last night. jim is the hippest hipster in scranton, pa!
there was a guy using a leafblower in front of the Rite Aid on 5th ave this morning. a leaf blower. for a sidewalk. funnier still, the wind was whipping up 30+ mph gusts, so it was not really doing much of anything.
there are a lot of girls with ponytails and red jackets running around the rockerfeller center area. this can only be related to the parade, right? they're leaving soon, right?
they slipped CYHSY into the office last night. jim is the hippest hipster in scranton, pa!
there was a guy using a leafblower in front of the Rite Aid on 5th ave this morning. a leaf blower. for a sidewalk. funnier still, the wind was whipping up 30+ mph gusts, so it was not really doing much of anything.
there are a lot of girls with ponytails and red jackets running around the rockerfeller center area. this can only be related to the parade, right? they're leaving soon, right?
just a discounted bible keeps georgia on my mind
this morning on npr they did a story about how georgia doesn't charge sales tax for bibles. (the story was filed by my old friend georgia public broadcasting, complete with a report from hippy-dippy bookstore and crystal outlet, phoenix & dragon.) i'm gonna skip the part about how i'm slightly more interested in whether or not it's gonna break the freezing mark today or snow tomorrow than some feather-ruffling junk about how southerners are all assholes, and just say this: we don't need a fucking law to prevent this. it's a perversion of the constitution.
basically, the situation is as follows: they don't charge sales tax for bibles, but they do for other "religious and spiritual texts". so the ACLU thinks it's a good reason to take the state of georgia to court on a free speech rampage. personally, i think you should have to pay extra tax to buy religious texts, but that's beside the point. i see where people think it's unfair that you don't have to pay tax for a bible, but you do for text of lesser-known religions, like hinduism and ba'hai.
what was more annoying than the story itself was that they didn't mention until the very end that you don't have to pay tax on the koran and they didn't mention at all that you don't pay tax on the torah. it was slightly over-focused on the idea that it was the christian bible what was sold on the cheap, as though it was some mass conspiracy by the georgia state government to convert the entire state to christians (which, at its inception, it may well have been).
however, despite the aclu's whining and the moron who runs Phoenix & Dragon bookstore saying that it's telling people that by buying the bible they've chosen the "right religion," and if they want something different, it's telling them it's the "wrong religion", the story did manage to point out that any religious text or sect can apply for this tax-exemption; the koran became tax free only ten years ago (something tells me the torah was tax free as soon as the first jew found out there was no tax on the bible). so, really, there's no issue here at all. all that has to happen is for people to get their religious leaders to petition the gov't and they'll get their 7% discount, just like those holier-than-thou christians.
honestly, i just don't see why this is that big of a deal, and i definitely think they should charge tax on all these types of books. but no one needs to waste the court's time when you can just file a freaking petition!
ugh.
basically, the situation is as follows: they don't charge sales tax for bibles, but they do for other "religious and spiritual texts". so the ACLU thinks it's a good reason to take the state of georgia to court on a free speech rampage. personally, i think you should have to pay extra tax to buy religious texts, but that's beside the point. i see where people think it's unfair that you don't have to pay tax for a bible, but you do for text of lesser-known religions, like hinduism and ba'hai.
what was more annoying than the story itself was that they didn't mention until the very end that you don't have to pay tax on the koran and they didn't mention at all that you don't pay tax on the torah. it was slightly over-focused on the idea that it was the christian bible what was sold on the cheap, as though it was some mass conspiracy by the georgia state government to convert the entire state to christians (which, at its inception, it may well have been).
however, despite the aclu's whining and the moron who runs Phoenix & Dragon bookstore saying that it's telling people that by buying the bible they've chosen the "right religion," and if they want something different, it's telling them it's the "wrong religion", the story did manage to point out that any religious text or sect can apply for this tax-exemption; the koran became tax free only ten years ago (something tells me the torah was tax free as soon as the first jew found out there was no tax on the bible). so, really, there's no issue here at all. all that has to happen is for people to get their religious leaders to petition the gov't and they'll get their 7% discount, just like those holier-than-thou christians.
honestly, i just don't see why this is that big of a deal, and i definitely think they should charge tax on all these types of books. but no one needs to waste the court's time when you can just file a freaking petition!
ugh.
22 November 2005
sir, put the bagel down, sir
ok, more shit-for-brains activity from our hometown boys of worthless public transport.
there is a bagel shop called "f line bagels" at smith and 9th street. just across from the smith/9th street F train stop. with me so far? the mta sent this BAGEL SHOP a cease-and-desist order, which was today held up in court, regarding the use of mta logos.
there aren't all-caps big enough to illustrate the boiling rage building in me. the mta are wasting time, money and resources on a fucking bagel shop that is ADVERTISING FOR THEM EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T EVEN FUCKING DESERVE IT!!! in the words of the cabbie in half baked, "you should be kissing my ass!"
anyway, gothamist's comments are taking care of ranting for me. particularly inspiring is the guy who recommends changing the name to "f-the-mta bagels". if they change their name to that, i promise to get off the train and go buy a bagel there every day for a year (or until they're put out of business).
there is a bagel shop called "f line bagels" at smith and 9th street. just across from the smith/9th street F train stop. with me so far? the mta sent this BAGEL SHOP a cease-and-desist order, which was today held up in court, regarding the use of mta logos.
there aren't all-caps big enough to illustrate the boiling rage building in me. the mta are wasting time, money and resources on a fucking bagel shop that is ADVERTISING FOR THEM EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T EVEN FUCKING DESERVE IT!!! in the words of the cabbie in half baked, "you should be kissing my ass!"
anyway, gothamist's comments are taking care of ranting for me. particularly inspiring is the guy who recommends changing the name to "f-the-mta bagels". if they change their name to that, i promise to get off the train and go buy a bagel there every day for a year (or until they're put out of business).
if it wasn't so goddamn annoying, it'd be hilarious
guess who's thinking about striking?
a) me
b) the macy's balloons
c) the transit union
d) the dvd sorters at netflix
the answer: c
it seems that no one really likes the way the mta is run, including the people who work for it. i wonder, could that wasted ass $50m possibly help resolve this problem?
(had some of you freaking out with the netflix option, didn't i?)
via gothamist
a) me
b) the macy's balloons
c) the transit union
d) the dvd sorters at netflix
the answer: c
it seems that no one really likes the way the mta is run, including the people who work for it. i wonder, could that wasted ass $50m possibly help resolve this problem?
(had some of you freaking out with the netflix option, didn't i?)
via gothamist
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