the wrap-up

saturday night i played loser, as did my roommates, and we stayed in and watched grizzly man. have you seen this movie? first of all, i do not recommend watching it after watching 4 straight episodes of 'curb your enthusiasm', cause it's hard enough to take that treadwell guy seriously, but when you're already thinking like larry david, you (or at least i) become downright evil. anyway, i don't think we were supposed to be laughing quite as much as we did, but we did. that dude... yeah, Issues.

sunday, xx and i walked down through sunset park. the most important part of this journey, aside from the superfluous dodgeball check in, was finding melody lanes!! let the bowling madness begin. i love bowling. it fits into my 'sports i can do whilst i drink beer' repertoire. (tonight it's trivia at last exit)

i finally finished reading nobrow, which i ended up liking more than i thought i would, although it wasn't really very groundbreaking. i've moved on to something lighter, the elegant universe. i'm on page 7 and i'm not confused yet.

gorenski was having the requisite superbowl party, so we picked up some sam adams winter lager (quite a winner, that one) and enjoyed some homemade (and super delicious) chicken wings. of course, someone like me, who didn't even know who was in the superbowl until like friday, doesn't give a shit about watching the game. i decided to go for the seahawks and found myself quite the minority. the disappointed minority. but let's face it, it's really about the ads. so here are the ads that won my heart or made me cringe (most of them are watchable here or here):

NB: what was up with those stupid montages of the players with the trophy? there are all sorts of arguments against this...why are they posing with something they haven't won? who wants to see this shit? and did anne geddes take these?

i get a lot of shit for drinking bud light, but i like it and it gets me drunk. i have never been more proud to be a bud light drinker than when the "hidden bud lights" ad kicked things off (pardon the pun). i imagine my own joy would be similar if i were trying to find bud lights hidden all over my office. mmmm, beer.

perhaps it was my recent viewing of grizzly man, but the "save yourself" bud light was totally hilarious as well. way to come back at the last second with a zinger, bud!

who the fuck did kermit's voice in that hybrid suv ad? it sounded terrible. not that i really cared, cause hybrid or not, i don't want kermie selling cars. ever.

the burger king ad, as well as that hummer ad where the robot and a relative of jabba the hut have a baby and it's a hummer, were pretty effed up. but props to them for making an ad about food that nauseates people, and making me picture a robot and a relative of jabba the hut doin' it. daring, kids.

the emerald nuts guys (link no worka), normally pretty reliable with their absurd little spots, fell short this time. you're trying too hard, kids.

fedex struck out with the caveman thing. at least for me. it was mildy entertaining, but, like the hummer ad, i could see just how much money (well not exactly how much, but i knew it was probably more than i make in a year) they pissed away just making the thing.

mastercard succeeded in making me want to watch 'half baked' again.

most of the budweiser ads managed to equal the bud light ads, only in suck rather than funny.

i noted how i was impressed that aleve were willing to spend so much money to target the arthritic trekkie. someone pointed out that lots of them probably did have arthritis from playing video games. i noted they probably had it from constant jerking off.

just after halftime (i'm not even touching that), we went to bar bq to meet up with some other folks. they had a whole roasted pig (forgot the digicam, or i'd have a picture of its little roasted head) and mac 'n'cheese. i'd eaten my body weight in wings, so i skipped the snacks. but just after my carlesberg and i sat down, the cheerstobeer ad came on. of course, by this time i'd imbibed just enough of the celebrated beverage to think this was the greatest commercial, for the greatest product, ever in the entire world.

we were still at gorenski's when something terrible happened. a bright blue liquid ran through a tube on the screen, then a bright green one. i immediately knew: here comes the shitty-ass, stupid razor-that-will-change-the-way-you-shave-forever commercial. i threatened to kill someone and my conviction was questioned when i didn't follow through on it. i tried to ignore it every subsequent time it aired.

there was a good one for a phone i think with a benny hill homage. also good use of the song "baby come back", which is both underappreciated and underrepresented in bar jukeboxes. perhaps a good one for karaoke?

note to dove: you may not use "true colors" in an ad. under any circumstances.

xx and i decided to take off and head home. but we also decided we weren't quite drunk enough, and we'd certainly need some beer for gray's anatomy XL, featuring a "code black". we stopped at a bodega, but none of the beers had prices on, so i said to the guy "what's your cheapest six-pack? we have $7". he gave us some miller light and carded us, which struck me as hysterical.

when we got home we proceeded to annoy the shit out of xy roommate by continually repeating the phrase "i wish i could quit you" and forcing beer on him. he was delighted.

welcome to my photoblog

i got a digicam for that time of year when everyone gets presents and i've finally put some of the photos on my computer. so here, without further ado, are my first wobbly pictures from friday's walk over the williamsburg bridge.




this one to the left here is the cables above the bridge. this picture doesn't do them any justice when you consider that it was a perfectly clear night and i could see all of 12 or so stars behind the cables. also, the cables are not red in real life.

this whole walk came about since the maj and i were headed off to warsaw to see m ward. we figured since it was such an insanely warm winter eve, we should walk from the les.

we stopped off for a lovely smithwick's at royal oak, which i loved. certainly one of the most village-pub-esque bars in all of nyc. i will be returning.

as one of the great mysteries of the universe, someone booked this band pagoda (which includes michael pitt, whom you may remember from such movies as 'the dreamers', that gus van sant thing about kurt cobain and 'murder by numbers') as the opener. clearly michael hasn't gotten past his days of pretending to be KC. he was sporting a shaggy haircut which he made sure covered most of his face, a surplus army jacket, and the same blue guitar as the man himself. he also impersonated the wailing scream, the 'woe is me' lyrics and the tortured soul look. this. band. sucks. ass. hard. they were so bad, no one in the audience was even bobbing their heads. most people were looking around at each other and whispering what i can only imagine were thoughts of disappointment and anger. the maj and i booked out to the bar and waited for the pain to stop.

m ward was excellent. this was a much more diverse show than the other ones i've seen. he did a lot more of his quieter stuff, which was lovely. he had a piano and a band, which made things more interesting. i was very pleased when, for his second encore, he played 'carolina', which was the song that got me hooked.

brokeback to the future

if you've read a blog today, you've probably already seen this. i just got round to watching it and it really is chuckle-worthy.

from gawker.

your weekend commute--followed by a stream of consciousness ramble

according to this week's advisories, those of you who live somewhere in the general vicinity of the gowanus canal or prospect park should have a pretty easy time of it. the only thing effecting us will be the N and R stopping at dekalb and going over the bridge.

Safety reminder of the week: Running can really slow you down. Do not take the risk, take the next train.

you know what else can slow you down? taking the fucking subway on the weekends. the weather's supposed to be pretty nice, so just walk.

speaking of weather. we all know i'm no fan of cold weather generally, but what the fuck is this shit? it's just plain creepy now. i could totally be wearing a t shirt. actually, i am wearing a t shirt. it's just under a sweater. maybe i'll take the sweater off and wear a FUCKING T SHIRT IN FEBRUARY. really, i would like to see a little snow this year. you know one big dump of 4" or so and then it can melt like two days later when i'm totally over it.

it's gonna be a sweet weekend. tonight: m ward (with special guests, michael pitt's band, pagoda. sure to be a stunner!) tomorrow, i think i might have to return to camp and give the bartender all the tips we stiffed him on last week (and see if the free beer is still flowing). sunday, despite my total lack of interest in football (american style), i am going to a superbowl party. perhaps i shall be blown away by an advertisement for a new razor. because what i'm really looking for is the ultimate shaving experience.

are you ready for love?

here's a valentine's mix fo' all you suckas out there.

really, i'm just waiting for the live "bring it on home to me". cause that shit is gonna make me weep.

via guavamaffiosa

just wait until you get about 3 minutes into this

ok, so this whole remix thing. i sorta get it and i sorta don't, and this remix of jose gonzalez doing "heartbeats" is a perfect example why. (disregarding that his version is already a cover) jose's purtty little song was just that. it never occured to me (and perhaps this has something to do with me being neither a dj nor a musician) to slap some beats behind it and speed up the singing and take this total sunday morning song and turn it into a really, really, really late friday night song. it's not like you can even get down to this version. i dunno. i guess it's just not for me. it cheeses it up a bit too much. i mean, it's like they used the standard casio clapping beat. yeah, god, it's terrible.

but really, listen to it. at least until about 2min 40...you'll know what i mean.

it's probably worth a little of your time to click here and listen to the original by the knife. it's 80'stastic.

peace.

god bless overheardinny

i'm not sure why, but i just can't stop laughing at this. perhaps it has something to do with using burritos as a criterion for comparing cities, but it's absolutely brilliant. i'll take this opportunity to plug clemen's burritos on prospect park west.

Guy: Fuck that shit, man. I still love New York better. Every single time people from Frisco compare cities with New York, you fools bring up your stupid burritos! Well I got news for you: our burritos are catching up.
--2nd Avenue & 5th Street

hey! gross and wrong and stupid and horrifying and sick and weird and depressing and fucked the fuck up

what the shitballs?

A total of about three kilograms of liquid heroin, or about a pound per dog, was implanted in six dogs in packets stitched inside the loose skin of their bellies

yeah, that's right, folks. people put HEROIN into DOG'S STOMACHS to smuggle it into the country.

pretty songs for your afternoon

it's the scene in the movie when he looks at her, and she looks at him, and maybe, just maybe, they really can make it in this crazy, mixed up world. maybe it starts snowing or something, too. http://www.themugs.com/ep_Poker_Face_theMugs.mp3
and for zoning out goodness
http://www.themugs.com/ep_While_it_Lasts_theMugs.mp3

via yetidon'tdance

you can listen to the whole ep here. (most of the rest sounds like early REM, or as co-chris says, the feelies, but he's not impressed) (NB: who knew geocities was still around?!)

and you can see them at the delancey tomorrow night.

if only it were this simple

mr. corporate casual has a far more digestable version of the state of the union. it's mostly about pizza. god bless america.

what, exactly, is going on here?

stereogum has the lineup for this year's bonnaroo. and the headliner is: radiohead.

huh? not that i mind RH playing a gig, and of course now i have to seriously consider going, as it seems to be a tradition for me to travel to moronic places (i.e. south wales, ohio, montreal and camden, nj) to see them, but bonnaroo is supposed to be, like, phish and widespread panic and anyone still alive from the original allman brothers band.

also on the new-improved-indie rock bill:
CYHSY
devotchka
andrew bird
the magic numbers
DCFC

props to drew

from publisher's lunch:

Founder of the website Fark.com (reported to get 1.8 million hits a day) Drew Curtis's IT'S NOT NEWS, IT'S FARK, a humorous analysis of the media patterns shaping how the news is reported, to Lauren Marino at Gotham, by David Vigliano and Celeste Fine of Vigliano Associates (world).

at least it's not the end of the world

still being undecided about whether or not i could stomach the state of our union, the brit and i ran downtown after work to dash a couple of pints at lunasa. the jensenator arrived through the magic of dodgeball and the three of us proceeded to have one of my favorite conversations: our first albums.

there were two guys playing chess and drinking guiness at the bar, they seemed pretty serious about it.

finally jensenator and i headed back to the slope and got a patriotic sixer of sam adams and proceeded to watch what was left of the SotU. we tried to keep up with the rules of the game, but it was pretty damn hard. i wondered how many people all over the city were sitting in front of a tv somewhere and yelling at it as much as we were. of course, i had to follow it up with a west wing to return to happyland.

what working in an office will make you think about

doesn't it seem, that as long as they have been around, and as many as have been produced, and with their incredible ability to be reused again and again and again and again, there should be no reason whatsoever to have to make, purchase or sell any more paper clips?

he should have tried chewing gum like 20 years ago?

ok, so this guy is in the UK National Service shooting really loud guns right next to his ear. over the next few decades, his hearing was severely diminished. he got a hearing aid, even.

then, kid goes skiing and, whilst on the ski lift, hears a loud "pop!" and his hearing is back. clear as a bell.

go figure.

and now for the extremely british response:

"Regaining your hearing because of a change in altitude is very unusual - and the NHS aren't going to be prescribing holidays to the Alps anytime soon!"

no they bloody well aren't!

the truth about brokeback mountain

i forgot with whom i was having this conversation, but someone asked me why jake was in the supporting actor category--i didn't even realize he was--and heath got lead. and when you have questions like these, it's only natural that the answer, somehow, will come from gawker.

in the comments:

Jake only gets supporting actor cause he was the bottom, huh?

if it's fucked up and not quite right, it must be the MTA

gothamist reported on this idea the MTA has to start using the paypass "contactless" payment system. i guess you wave your little thingy over a little thingy and the turnstile unlocks. like at the gym. or, if you're my mother, every grocery store and drug store in the metro atlanta area. gmist points out that this won't help with bus transfers or those of us who use unlimited ride cards. personally, i'm not to interested in this bullshit. we don't really need a new payment system. at least, not as much as we need, oh, say, reliable service, stations that aren't leaking and falling apart, more money to pay employees to clean some shit up, did i mention reliable service?

it seems strange to be spearheading a new payment system just after the token was cast away. i mean, even though there are days when i curse the metrocard readers for telling me fifty times to "please swipe again (at this turnstile)", i don't think it warrants $44 million for a trial. really, the more i think about this, the less sense it makes. there's just too much other shit that needs to be taken care of. plus, as i mentioned earlier, it won't even work for every commuter.

the do-no-wrong (which i spent plenty of time complaining about when i had to use) tube has the oystercard, which is basically what the mta is going for. you just pass it over a disk and it opens the gates. but the tube, well, it's clean, it's efficient, it's pretty well-run, it has those lcd displays telling you (even if they are lying) when the next train is due. so, i think it's ok that they went ahead and made a superficial kind of upgrade. making it easier for me to get through a turnstile is not really going to make me like the MTA.

when are they gonna realize, sometimes you really have to go forward to go forward?

i was gonna do some oscars shit, but

i just went to oscar.com and was greeted by this message:

The 78th Academy Award® nominations will be announced on Tuesday, January 31, 2006, at 5:30 a.m. PST, in the Academy's Samuel Goldwyn Theater by Academy President Sid Ganis and Oscar-winning actress and Academy member Mira Sorvino.
Please check back at that time for the complete list of the nominees.

get your shit together, people.

anyway, i actually caught a bit of the announcement this morning on ny1. nothing too shocking from what i saw.

here's the times's rundown.

not too many surprises. i would've rather seen laura linney than keira knightley, even though she was pretty good. i'm hoping for PSH to win for capote. and it was nice but a little weird to see crash get the big nod.

other news:

Coretta Scott King died

alito something?

the state of our union is...drunk

since real life is so sadly not "the west wing", it is my duty and obligation as a blogger to offer you this, the official (?) drinking game for the state of the union address tonight. i still can't even decide if it's worth watching the damn thing.

thanks, ck

bob woodruff injured in iraq bombing

off too a good start this week.

i am tired

i'm getting to one of those points where i realize i just go out too much. this weekend did nothing to remedy that problem.

friday i met up with the jensenator at blue 9 burger (mmmmmm) and then hopped down to webster hall for broken social scene. they were amazing, as usual. they had all their special guests and a bunch of horns and they went on pretty early, which was lucky because i had to leave at 930 to meet the maj for "dog sees god".

we saw eliza dushku outside the theatre. she was really very sweet with the six or so people swarming around her. the play itself is very funny and all the actors were pretty good with the timing. the cast is full of people from movies. one dude was in rules of attraction, eliza dushku's done a bunch of stuff, and the guy who plays CB was in american pie and harold & kumar go to white castle.

the only problem was the couple sitting in front of us who had no idea how to act in a theatre. he kept leaning over and talking to his companion rather loudly. saying, after a thinly veiled reference to woodstock (the bird) was made, "oh, tweety!" and then when cb's sister came on stage, "is that lucy?" i wanted to smack him. but i didn't. that would be rude.

saturday the plan was to get to magnetic field for the soul shakers. but that got all fucked when we decided we should start drinking at 4 and bar hop to mag. field. we had one at the gate, ate dinner at song and then went to brooklyn social and camp. we stalled out at camp for various reasons, the most important of which is the bartender kept buying us drinks and how do you leave a place when there's free beer? answer: you don't. until you're really fucking wasted.

with yet another hangover sunday, i dragged myself into the city and saw munich. a very good movie i never want to see again. cirian hinds was so fucking awesome, though. it was long, but intense. when i got home the next logical step seemed to be watching ray, because you should always follow one depressing, based on a true story movie with another depressing, based on a true story movie.

thank god the SAG awards were on, otherwise my brain might have exploded from overuse.

it's finally here

ok, weekend time. off to broken social scene &c.

this is for monday, when you get in and you don't really feel ready to do any work yet. this is what you do. you play this flickr game where they show you some pictures and you guess what the tags are. don't go there now, lest you inadvertently end up working late on a friday.
lifehacker
kisses.

if i were bulimic, it would be shit like this that would help me out after those binges

Our spy swears Jessica Simpson took a break from partying with Kirsten Dunst the other night to disappear into Maroon 5 man-whore Adam Levine's room - and didn't emerge until the next morning. "She was picked up by her best friend, Cacee Cobb, that morning," our snitch tattled. Simpson's rep has steadfastly shot down rumors of a romance with the skirt-chasing singer in the past.

page six via gawker

i'm an album behind

i just got "me first" by the elected. lester put "greetings in braille" on one of my mixes and i totally dug it.

i wrote him: so are the elected any good?

he wrote me: The elected are usually born rich and completely out of touch with the problems of the average person, but I guess a few honest people get in every once in a while. Oh wait, you meant the band.

i mulled it over for, well, over a year, it seems, and finally just ordered it on deep discount. i have to say, it's a lovely record. it's a folkier version of postal service. i've only listened once, but i can't wait to get this on the 'pod and take it for a walk over the brooklyn bridge.

i've seen lukewarm words about "sun, sun, sun", but i think i might have to give it a shot.

i absolutely refuse to buy jenny lewis's album. her voice is one of the nicest sounds in the world but her lyrics are god awful.

and that's my little thought about music for the day.

oh yeah, and i am really, truly in love with my morning jacket.

how do i, say goodbye, to what we haaaaaad

the black table is no more.

goodbye week in craig!

:.(

yes, i just made a crying emoticon. over a blog.

incidentally, people having been saying that the 24th was the most depressing day of the year. but i'm calling today out. almost everyone i know is having a super-shit-time day and we've all had just about enough. so here's to you jan 27th, you suck ass.

guess who lost the go in the go for it

well, all good things must come to an end. grandaddy have thrown in the towel. thank you for the music.

who shall i blame for this sweet and heavy trouble?

well, myself. also, the makers of stella, the owners of camp, everyone i work with, and of course, the good old mta. and also microsoft word's fucked up track changes.

bonnaroo and i met up at camp for a drink after work. of course, one drink equals four and i gave up on dinner.

so of course, i was not in the chipperest of moods when i went for the subway this am. i just wanted to sit down and maybe have a quick kip on the way into work. but that was sooo not to be. did anyone else hate f train today? there were loads of people on the platform and i watched two trains (about 10 minutes apart) go by before i finally gave up and walked down to the r. and the walk from rock center was severely unpleasant. and now i have to fix this bullshit redline that i have to keep retyping because you can't just "accept changes" on the original (for those of you who don't understand what that means, keep yourselves in the dark, you'll be glad you did).

on a more positive note: i love chocolate milk. it's friday. i'm going to broken social scene and dog sees god tonight (a sad doublebook mistake on my part). camp has a REAL WOODBURNING FIREPLACE!

in case we die

find out if you living in new york will kill you when a hurricane comes.

The location, [Wild Cherry Sara's house], is not in any evacuation zone.

HA HA!! i knew living on the slope was good for something.

park slope punk rock

todd levin makes me laugh.

two words: pussy envy.

what the deuce?

apparently stewie griffin is gonna have his own talk show.

via lifehacker

dairy queens and seven elevens

(nothing but) flowers, live.

via the smudge of ashen fluff

even more hoorays!

sceenstars has the new B&S album for streaming fun.

from the first minute or so, i'm excited!!!

ok, ok, here's something good

jerry yeti has kindly posted some mp3s from a band called tunng. it's, as he says, folky with some beats. it's pretty interesting, if nothing else.

the yeti's got three songs up, including the requisite bloc party cover. can anyone listen to that band and not do a remix? seriously?

this does not sound good

iran has blocked bbc persian. yeah, iranians can no longer read the beeb. why do you think a government would do something like that?

via lifehacker

chris penn died

chris penn, who was in a lot of movies and whose appearances were generally pleasing, has died.

via goldenfiddle

come the fuck on, people

pitchfork has a story you probably don't want to read. but i'm telling you anyway, because it's the kind of thing you tell people. like when something tastes disgusting and you're like "dude, this is gross, taste it"

two members of weezer are set to portray, sit yourself down now and breathe in, john cale and fucking lou reed.

lou reed sounds thrilled about the whole thing:
"I read that script," Reed candidly told the New York Daily News. "It's one of the most disgusting, foul things I've seen - by any illiterate retard - in a long time. There's no limit to how low some people will go to write something to make money."

the BoR education report

xx roommate just sent me an email from one of her teacher buds explaining to her why she shouldn't have stayed home sick yesterday:

Today, you missed:

[student] and [student] getting in a fight in your classroom.

[teacher] freaking out on [student] and [student] and accusing them of sexual harassment for talking to a girl in the stairwell instead of being in class.

[student]'s new haircut!

and, the piece of resistance...

.
.
.
[student] running around school. Without pants.

xx's addendum:

he also bit the security gaurd...

it's that time of year again

i remember it well. a cold day. week-old snow still rotting on the sidewalks. we stood in tompkins square park waiting. and waiting. and waiting some more. finally, we heard the lunatics screaming down the street. then they came into view, group after group of insane, drunk, cold people pulling shopping carts through new york. they were tired, they were chilly, they were likely to vomit in the near future.

it's time again, kids.

idiotarod is back!

(flavorpill)

bump-bum. bum-bum-bum-bum-buuum-bum

usually i go to the atrium at trump tower to escape the gruelling office environment and today we were in for a special treat. they were shooting an episode of law & order:svu. i saw ice-t! the xy roommate will be so pleased.

you know i love ya', just wanna touch ya'

valentine's day is apparently just around the corner. although according to cvs it's been around the corner since about january 3 or so. those of you who plan on doing something romantic for that special someone in your life need look no further than here.

let's get down to brass tacks. your gf doesn't want a neglige or some sexy bra crap. she doesn't even want you to take her out for dinner or some chocolate. she wants clothes for her ipod.

imagine how turned on you'll be when your sexy lady plops down crosslegged on the floor and begins happily to adorn her music collection in a pair of boxer shorts or a corset and make it hop around. yeah, let's get it on!

how would you like to hear what you don't want to hear?

take the color quiz and find out more about yourself than you ever wanted to know. who knew liking bright colors meant you sucked?

i prefer this one. it says i'm a mastermind.

ny press on park slope

i guessed someone missed dee dee's closing and that (fantastic) falafel joint going in in its place.

slope love

via curbed

i looked all over town

after getting some substantial progress made with pinter, the maj, xy roommate and i walked to the brazen head for their clam shuck. i realized why it was called a "clam shuck" instead of a "clam bake". the clams are raw. there were raw oysters and both kinds of clam chowder as well. and beer.

the seafood lover in me was cowering. i'm just not into raw things so much. i tried two clams and passed them along to xy roommate, who grinningly said, "i'm pretty sure i'm gonna have food poisoning now". i got a bowl of clam chowder (new england style) and it was fantastic. i could've eaten a vat of that stuff. oh, so goood.

it started wearing on us, the ambiance of the place, the fact that people had babies with them, that we were of an entirely different generation of many of the patrons. the maj and xy wanted to shoot some pool, so we went over to magnetic field. it was beginning to feel like the triathalon all over again. we played a little pool and had a few beers.

then we hopped the b63 and went to commonwealth. where we met up with shwags and jonny 5. haven't seen those kids in a while. it was hi-lifes (lives?) all around and the shitfacedness began. having started drinking around 6, i had no clue what time it was when we left commonwealth for the olde carriage inn.

this place is pretty strictly local, but they didn't seem to mind us crashing the party. we shot some more pool. someone tried to show me how to aim. jonny 5 and i discussed led zepplin. and then. there was. karaoke. xy and i sang "don't stop believin'" and it was certainly the highlight of my day. it was also the point at which i went from super drunk to really fucking wasted so let's go home now.

save brooklyn social

after lolling around watching ghandi and doing laundry for the rest of friday, i met the maj for dinner at kinara and drinks at the always comforting BSC. i was slightly disturbed when, about halfway through the first drink, i noticed a sign reading "save brooklyn social".

"uh, what is that all about?" i asked the maj.
"dunno, we should find out", she responded.

so we asked the bartender who handed us a notebook. basically, the block is zoned residential and someone wants to shut down the bar.

this is beyond depressing and ridiculous. brooklyn social fills a gaping hole in the bar scene in brooklyn. plus, it's chill. of all the bars in all the world, why the hell would you want to shut down this one? it's not a raging goth club or anything. anyway, we signed the petition. you should too.

other things i learned that night:

Ivan is the barman of the century.
you can steal from book court pretty easily (at least considering i walked straight out with a book i had, in fact, paid for, but no one asked me about it)

i was dressed for success

ok, let's quickly get this out of the way. the old interview didn't exactly fly my way. turns out, they wanted 3 years of experience. unfortunately, it seemed the woman who interviewed me lacked reading experience since nowhere on my resume does it even remotely indicate that i might have that much experience.

but bitter i am not. honest. what can you do? she was very nice and seemed to genuinely like our chat.

oooh!!! look what i found

not only is this an interesting article about King Nepal, but...

from the palace ontoday's arrests

typo in the TIMES!!!

overheard in front of my building

what if all the doors in your apartment were revolving doors?

the bombs are back in town

two bombs for baghdad

israel ups the ante.

refreshments for all

i just went into the kitchen for some water. on the table:
a pizza box from friday's xmas party with a note that says "don't touch"
a carton of what looks like chocolate popcorn
a carton of string bean "snack chips"

what happened to the good stuff?

he he. this is kind of what my head feels like

it's a head! that you store knives in! someone buy me this!

three. pitchers. of beer.

(2 people)

when i first got to new york, tampson took me to grassroots. it was love at first sight. cheap pitchers of beer and pixies on the jukebox. no bones about it: we're here to get wasted.

it's been a while since i've been down in that woody, weird-smelling place, but just like every other time i've ever been there, i got smashed. i also carved my first etching into one of the tables. go me!

tomorrow, we'll all have our fingers crossed and be sending me good vibes all over the city, because i have the Job Interview. for serious. this is the one i want, so you're all gonna pitch in and see what this communal prayer or whatever it's called can do.

is it time to be drunk yet?

ok, so very soon, it's off to my weekly visit to chickpea. followed by, ahem, beer.

here's a little handkerchief at the train station to remember me by.

Guy: I be readin' that Shakespeare shit, yo! He talkin' 'bout some "Epoxy dat wench", and "Wherefore to thou."

overheard

ambush in iraq

10 dead

More than 400 foreigners and at least 36 journalists have been kidnapped in Iraq since 2003, along with thousands of Iraqis.

brooklyn navy yard

these are some really lovely pictures of the surgeon's house and the old navy hospital at the brooklyn navy yard. a lot of stuff seems pretty well in tact. beautiful doors and windows.

via gothamist

please god no

gizmodo reports the utterly depressing news that verizon and nextel are thinking about advertising on videophones.

shatner shat

clearly desiring to become a regular on BoR, Willam Shatner is staging a media deluge. The BBC reports that Kirk sold a kidney stone on goldenpalace. And someone bought it.

In other goldenpalace news, one of my pregnant co-workers told me that goldenpalace offered to pay $1m if they named the child goldenpalace. Personally, I would definitely forgo my child's happiness in primary and secondary school for a million smackers, chances are he/she would be miserable whether or not he or she was named goldenpalace. Plus, names can always be changed, right? or nicknames made up?

i'm a rock-it man

'member that episode of the family guy when stewie does his shatner-singing-rocket-man?
here's the inspiration
via gawker

the office blog

this isn't terrifically funny, but i haven't gone back and read b.j. novak's entries yet...this week jenna fischer (pam) is doing "the office" blog. sounds like they really love each other over there.

via goldenfiddle.

more guardian fo' dat ass

here're some words by Kurt Vonnegut.

BINGO!

I knew there would be something really special out there today. i just had this feeling.

The "proven" medical effects of masturbation - which, of course, include damage to the eyesight - were once listed by Abd al-Aziz bin Baz, the late Grand Mufti of Saudi Arabia, and his list is reproduced on numerous Islamic websites. According to bin Baz, masturbation causes disruption of the digestive system, inflammation of the testicles, damage to the spine ("the place from which sperm originates"), and "trembling and instability in some parts of the body like the feet". In addition, there is a weakening of the "cerebral glands" leading to decreased intellect and even "mental disorders and insanity". Furthermore, "due to constant ejaculation, the sperm no more remains thick and dense as it normally occurs in males". This results in sperm which is not "mighty enough" to make a woman pregnant or produces children who are "more prone to disease and illness".

also:
"I don't know what is oral sex, please define it."

more

via fark

it is KENTUCKY fried chicken

did anyone else notice that KFC's ads use "sweet home alabama"? who's retarded here?
See also:
Honda
m&m's

i enjoy oreos

as i continue through the list of winners and losers from last night, i see that a song called "a love that will never grow old" won from Brokeback Mountain.

this doesn't even deserve my sarcasm.

Grey's Anatomy was ROBBED!

Go sandra oh!! (although i think Elizabeth Perkins is stellar in Weeds)

Too bad for jeremy piven...

good morning! what the?

Hi, everybody! Did we all have a good long weekend? I did. I saw Collateral. I still hate Tom Cruise.

OK, so due to trivia, i missed the golden globe awards last night. which means, among other things, i will be scrounging around E! online and people and all that other shit looking for people in ugly dresses and such. but first, i have to express my complete shock and confusion at the fact i just learned:
Kung Fu Hustle was a nominee for best foreign film.
i'll admit i didn't see this movie. but i did see shaolin soccer, which turned out to be one of the most disappointing moments of my life. i went with the maj, and i'm pretty sure she enjoyed it, but i was stuck the whole time thinking "i really thought this was going to be so much better". perhaps Hustle had a more poignant backtory, or even freakier special effects or a better score or a better editor or something that made the hollywood foreign press take notice and put it on the list, but i'm just not ready to believe that.

what happens when you assume no one reads your blog and it turns out they do

my friend lester, who i mentioned only recently just sent me this email:

You are being sent this letter to inform you that Lester's people request a cease and desist in your libelous attack on our client's musical taste. He informs us that he has never "ripped shit" from any televised teenage drama, as their soundtracks come out six months after these songs are popular, although our client and his friends constantly marvel at the songs that make their very mainstream soundtracks and can only imagine 13 year-old girls rocking out to them, in a way making them good for the industry and those artists. And also, you found the Earlimart song.

What a good day to randomly check your blog.

luckily, lester is one of the greatest people in the world--i would like to take this opportunity to declare my undying love for him forever and ever--and so was not upset. i frantically wrote him back apologizing for insinuating that he isn't the raddest mixtaper in the east, which he no doubt is. of course, i didn't really think he was just recording songs off the oc (you are, however, busted for watching Grey's Anatomy--what was with that shitty compilation episode last week?). my favorite thing about this whole debacle is that i gave him that earlimart song, not the other way around. so i should really be doing a little more fact checking, it seems.

anyway, i blame J.T. Frey.

related: i just got a good look at James Frey's cover. seriously, it's a picture of someone's hand covered in sprinkles. sprinkles.

join the love train

we just finished our office christmas party (you see, lester, it wasn't just an excuse). no one gave me a set of paints with a note that said, "never give up", but i was fortunate enough to get the kind of secret santa gift (a tower recds. gift cert. and chocolate) that made me very happy and also allowed me to look over at the suspect, raise my eyebrow and get a nod in return.

i also embarassed myself by exhibiting my apparently above-average disco knowledge.

we drink on the job

in a continuation of the "brits love to drink" theme in the media this week, BBC says that stress is driving people to drink. amongst their highest complaints: IT problems. that's just weird.

whilst i was looking to link to a page with the lyrics to earlimart's "we drink on the job" i made a horrifying discovery: that song was on the OC. i have a friend who keeps me in quality mix cds, and it seems he's been ripping shit from the OC soundtrack. so now, through no fault of my own (i think i've watched one episode of that show), three or four of my favorite songs are OC babies. i feel like i should go to confession or something.

clarification-we all know above mentioned friend does not rip shit off the OC soundtrack. what is actually happening is the oc gets his mixtapes and puts the music in the show.

didn't see that one coming

electric shock therapy is still considered (along with anti-depressants) the best therapy for depression.

that just made me depressed.

However, the effects of ECT are short-lived, so patients are likely to need drug treatment later.

ok, now i'm REALLY depressed.

merci, fark

congratulations to our 300 millionth customer!

the USA is poised to welcome its 300m'th citizen sometime this year, according to people who do a lot of math all day. what i thought was so interesting was how they predicted that this very special citizen would probably come from the south or west.

"The 300 millionth will be a Mexican Latino in Los Angeles County, with parents who speak Spanish at home and with siblings who are bilingual," said William Frey, a demographer with the University of Michigan Population Studies Center.

how the fuck do they know that? how do they know someone in ames, iowa didn't squeeze a kid out milliseconds before?

so they're just guessing that since more babies are born to latino women in the southwest, that's where the kid will come from. that's seriously their reasoning. why even make the prediction?

like puzzle pieces from the clay

drinks with the brit were in the old diary for last night, and we decided to go to the scratcher. the brit goes there all the time and is always talking about it, and she'd piqued my interest. "i've never been, so let's go!" said i.

so we walked downtown, grabbed some chickpea yummies and popped over to the scratcher. as soon as we walked up to it, i laughed. "i've totally been here before. on a blind date. it was terrible" and for the first time since it happened i thought about the randomness of this one night with a guy i didn't know when we tried to pretend that dating is fun. a friend from work had set us up for reasons unbeknownst to me. we had a fair amount in common, but it was just enough to get through a beer or so before we called it quits. i'm pretty sure the only reason i agreed to it in the first place was so i'd have had the experience of going on a blind date.

anyway, dodgeball played its magic (even though i accidentally checked in twice, and xx roommate will surely accuse me of trying to up my numbers to get back into the top 10), and dave c. showed up with his friend ethan. dave continued our discussion about how dating sucks by telling us that he had a date that very night, and could only stay for a while. he posed the very excellent question: why do people have to date, why can't they just hang out? why indeed, dave.

but this is sounding a bit too much like the little interludes with sjp at her ibook in sex and the city.

i went home and watched the west wing, to which i've lately become addicted thanks to dvr. it was the one where zoey gets kidnapped. gripping. and even though lovely dvr lets me fast forward through the ads, i saw the m&m's ad that abducted I&W's "such great heights" and rewound it because it still puzzles me. it managed to puzzle me even more this time, because it was about 15 seconds long. why do they do these "short versions" of ads? not that i really enjoy long ones, but i couldn't even enjoy a little bit of the song whilst i wondered who's weird-ass idea was it to sell m&m candies with and I&W song that has very little to do with candy. of course, they're making more sense than honda.

iron & wine/calexico video

"a history of lovers" from late night with craig fergusson.

via brooklyn vegan.

more on i&w/C

oh boy!!

i'm sifting through a pile of submissions for books, and i have found my new favorite sentence ever:

Miriam is a former virgin.

compelling, no?

there's no bomb (yet)

but there was a stampede in saudi arabia...50 people were killed during a haj stoning ritual.

UPDATE: according to my cnn breaking news email, reports are now saying 345 people were killed.

it's a volcano!

in alaska!
and it's erupting!

via fark

brits reportedly enjoy being "not sober"

from los tiempos, an in-depth look at drunk british politicians and cricketers (-teers?).

Although a fellow legislator rebuked him for being "in this condition" (it is considered poor manners to accuse another member of being drunk, and the insult "not sober" was reportedly banned in 1945), Mr. Clark did not lose his job.
still with manners.

For Britons, alcohol is a relaxant, an emollient, a crutch, an excuse.
as opposed to the rest of us, who use it to cure rashes.

they drink so that they will have license to behave badly
and yes.

young people on cheap package tours disgust the local residents by their fighting, vandalism and public displays of vomiting and al fresco sex.
do you think the vomiting goes before or after the al fresco sex?

i had no idea the times could make me laugh so hard. check out the antics of the Labor foreign secretary George Brown.

buggin' me

i haven't finished reading this article, but it seems incredibly, almost unbelievably stupid to unleash a rash of tourists onto the fucking galapagos islands. 'member? one of the most fragile fucking ecosystems on the face of the earth? that's a great place for people to toss their gum wrappers and gatorade bottles. YES! go humans!
bloody hell.

what the godammed hell?

el dado sent me this article about levis making ipod-compatible jeans. they come with headphones and a dock.

star sentence:
Levi Strauss is not the first to produce iPod-compatible clothing, but it is believed to be the first to do so for trousers or jeans.

macworld

gizmodo kindly liveblogged the keynote from macworld. they're doing some weird stuff. although i'm not sure how useful it really is. and watch out, chrysler is the big ipod friendly carmaker. that pt cruiser is looking even sweeter!

please do not let this line get by you:
Air smells slightly odd. I bet they’re pumping in a slightly higher oxygen concentration to get us buzzed.

jose gonzalez show

remember that ad i couldn't stop raving about? remember the song that's in it? well, the guy who did that version of that song played a gig in rotterdam and some other guy put it all on the internet. and now i give it to you.
via brooklyn vegan.

ok, so this JT Leroy thing

did anyone else see the law & order: ci about the little girl who was really, really sick and she wrote a book and all these people sent her money including this one old man who was kind of a shit his whole life but really felt for this poor, sick girl and was buying her all this expensive medical equipment that she needed but it turned out that the girl didn't exist and some more-than-slightly insane couple made her up and the "mom" faked the voice on the phone, etc., so they had the old guy killed because he was getting too close? anyone else? cause it reminds me a lot of this jt leroy thing.

why do i even bother being shocked anymore

leo dicaprio and lindsay blowhan...please, this is a publicity stunt, right? it's just to get giselle jealous?

tv on the radio

soon $1.99 will buy you a sketch from saturday night live, which you can then watch on your ipod. i will be looking over your shoulder on the subway.

generation gap?

older coworker: you're still so tan
i: actually, i'm peeling, my skin is very dry
older coworker: well, don't you cream yourself when you get out of the shower? i always cream myself when i get out of the shower.
i: well, i gotta go fax this.

old & busted: cats. new hotness: phantom of the opera

proving once again that american audiences wouldn't know real theatre if it jumped them in a back alley and beat them over the head with a plot, andrew lloyd weber has out done his own mediocrity by breaking his own record for longest running piece of shit on broadway. when you consider how much crap is on broadway in any given year, it actually is quite impressive that he's managed to beat out so many other shows. even if most of them are his.

what is...the point?

another update in the "why the hell isn't this on netflix?" queue

safe men is missing.

if a movie about providence's jewish mafia isn't on netflix, i don't wanna be right.

what's odd is that i'm pretty sure this movie did make it to dvd, unlike Last Days of Disco, which is still only available on VHS...at one video store in park slope.

anyway, it's sadder because of its now pretty famous cast members...paul giamatti, sam rockwell, mark ruffalo and steve zahn are all hilarious. plus it has a rad batch of soul tunes throughout.

poop.

the fame tracker rocks my after lunch world

you know that feeling you get when it's friday and you've totally forgotten until the end of the day that you have monday off? your heart skips a beat, your eyes widen and you smile uncontrollably?

that's the feeling i got when i discovered "the fame audit". i now have something to do for the rest of the day.

via goldenfiddle

bocce in the off season

it turns out we are not as awesome as we think we are. xx roommate, maj deegan and i went to floyd saturday night after the maj suggested we play in the park eariler that day and i told her, no, i will not play in the park in 35 degree weather, but i will go play in a bar tonight...plus, i'm going to see harry potter.

quickly, harry potter is a disappointment. and no one can act. and i don't know why someone insisted in giving the poor weasleys the worst haircuts known to man.

anyway, we got to floyd around 9 and, as tends to happen whenever i leave the house, got wasted. by the time we played, we were more than a little sloshed and were just not holding it together. we lost 7-5. it was sad.

then we got a call for another party at the living room lounge, which is a cute little bar near green-wood cemetery, and a friend's house. there was much drinking.

sunday turned out to be a wash. we had plans to make spaghetti squash and artichokes but instead sat around watching telly and ordered in thai food. mostly because i couldn't get my shit together to season the squash. it's sitting in a giant bowl in the fridge right now. hopefully i'll get to it tonight.

the moral of the story is: you can't make spaghetti squash when you get really wasted and stay up all night.

making up for lost time

the bombs are back in full effect.

and it really shouldn't be this hard

silly and sweet and a little sick, here's the video for brendan benson's "cold hands (warm heart)".

song of my early-bird specials

uh. there is a walt whitman mall. color me disturbed.

happy friday...are we gonna make it through today with no bomb? yesterday's was like a week's worth in a day.

bomb of the day

all i can really say is, iraq's a fucking mess.

i believe the children are our future

i just received an email from roommate xx telling me she was just "smacked in the face with a flying battery" because one of her students chucked it at another student and xx was in the way...what's even better is that the chucker isn't to be punished in any way.

yes! education rules!

to be young and wild and free

the maj deegan and i celebrated our reunion after a whole week or so of not getting wasted with a visit to the brooklyn inn. we must have walked past it a dozen times and said, "we should check that out." in fact, we had every intention of doing that before xmas, but the strike made it a little difficult.

anyway, as far as bars go, this one isn't lacking in the main features. although the stella tasted really watery. then again, it's stella. pretty good jukebox, and also patrons of the jukebox. i never went to investigate it myself, but we were both pleased with the soundtrack of the evening.

it's a lovely old bar with a creaky floor, pool table and good beer selection. they're running the six point and old speckled hen for those of you who like beer with flavor. they use those mini fake pint glasses though and i hate that. but they are very quick on the buy-back.

this andy person is my hero

ok, gothamist asked the general public to make a site on which you can generate your own MTA diversion poster. and here it is.

rejoice, people. this is the best it will ever get.

so this is the new year...

anyone else had that song stuck in their head for the past three days?

here, to warm your heart with joy, is the first bombing we share of 2006.

on an island in the sun

oh, yes. over the past three years, i have been able to convince the 'rents that me coming to atlanta for christmastime is a silly idea.
what is a better idea is if we go to a tropical location, where we can spend "quality time" together as a family.

this year the lucky destination was the island of st lucia.

it's a strange little island. 64% of the population is roman catholic. i found that bit of information really odd.

anyway, there was much lying around on the beach. i read the namesake, which was awesome.

i also, as you might have gleaned from this photo, went parasailing--finally. it was amazingly calming and terrifying all at once.

i bagged myself a digicam for xmakuh and returned to nyc yesterday in the midst of some disgusting weather.